In a recent meet-up, someone noted that your faith in finding the ONE has never wavered despite having suffered many setbacks. The setbacks, ranging from unrequited love to being at the right place but wrong time.

While loving can hurt, it's the only thing that you know. The going may get hard at times but it's the only thing that makes everyone feel alive; that there's still hope in the world. Indeed, loving can heal and mend a broken soul.

All because, Love is patient and is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast and it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

Are you fatally optimistic or what?

Maybe, but you have always believe, fatalistically by many, that the best is yet to be.

  

With the recent tumble in the oil prices, it's no wonder that the entire world is suffering from a prolong cold, especially in the Oil and Gas (O and M in short) industry. Indeed this episode is a classroom training by itself as you see what you have learnt coming alive. 

From the Strategic HRM perspective, downsizing has already occurred in your competitor's company as they struggle to stay afloat. In your classmate's company where merger and acquisition (M and A) has happened, it doesn't take much to figure out when it would be your fellow Strategic Business Unit's (SBU) turn. Given that un-named sources have mentioned that a potential takeover may be possible, it doesn't take long for anyone to figure out what will happen if they come back to the parents' fold as a 100% owned subsidiary.

Massive Organization Business Process Review or better known as Restructuring.

You worry about some of your friends, including J's him, who are working in that SBU. Would they be made redundant like their compatriots in the competitor's company? At the end of the day, it's a just a matter of time. It's simple maths. In order to stay afloat, it's either, downsize, freeze all wage increases or cut the monthly variable component. 

You remembered what your lecturer once said; The longer one stays employed in the company, the lower their employability would be. From the Industrial Relations perspective, they are only eligible for limited representation by the trade union as they fall under the PMET umbrella (pay more than $4500). 

The episode in the SBU has served as a timely reminder for your own SBU as its something which can happen if the rate of change within the company does not match the external environment's dynamic change. From the Organization Development (OD) perspective, human behaviour and culture plays a part as they are resistant to change. It's only through crisis where people get shaken up and are forced to adapt.

And adapt to the constantly changing environment one should, as they seek to stay relevant in today's economy. Through re-skilling or multi-skilling, one would be able to start in another industry. Even if the pay may not be as high as one may expect, staying employed beats staying at home watching the money dry up. 

You know how difficult it can be, for you went through that and even took a massive pay cut in order to get a job. But at the end of the day, if one perseveres, nothing is impossible.

The need to cultivate inner peace and discipline takes on a bigger meaning when the mind runs wild from the demands of work and studies. You feel your chest stifling, your heart-rate goes up and the head is clamped in-between a bench clamp with every turn of the screw making it equally stifling.

It's not desirable as your sleep is affected and fatigue permeates through the body. You know that you are under plenty of stress and you need a systematic approach to reduce it. But yet you are applying a short-term solution to a potentially long term issue by relying on loads of coffee to fight it. At this rate you are going, you wonder whether your health would be affected given the amount of stress you are under.

You can't afford to have any major component within the body to break down as it would be detrimental to your ability to fly. Remember the saying: A pilot who can't fly is as good as nothing. Even if you are one of the many few who have dropped out from the aviation community due to work and financial commitments, the ability to fly is all that you have to remind yourself that you are of a different breed. Looking at the recent health scares which has affected those close to you has reinforced the fact that you are no longer as fit and young as you once were. Hence you would have to force yourself to eat healthy, exercise MORE frequently and keep yourself in a fighting fit condition. (Note to self: Time to schedule yourself for a pilot medical in the middle of the year to prepare for flying again).

Despite addressing the physical needs, nourishing the emotional and mental needs remains a challenge to resolve. Sometimes the need for that warm and emotions-laden touch/hug/cuddling which somehow assures you that someone is sharing your woes and joy can be overwhelming. But you try your best to adapt, focusing those nervous energies on books and work. Despite the temptations to seek transaction-based gratifications, you know that the time and finances can be better utilized to seek more meaningful things.  

But having been rejected and ghosted in favour of more stable options, you are apprehensive about walking into that minefield and getting blown up again. While close friends and their spouses have urged you to take that leap of faith again, deep down, you are fearful of the same scenario happening again. 

Being blown up once is considered careless.

Being blown up for the second time is considered thick-headed. 

But getting blown up for the third time? Totally foolish.

You do not have much left to be blown up and if you continue this way, the only thing left would be bits and pieces of you, which can be blown by the wind. So its better to cultivate that inner peace and discipline.

Late nights spent in school and work is starting to define 2016 as you start off the week.

On school, the new lecture on Organization Development is an interesting one, albeit long-winded one with plenty of story telling. And it's also during the first lecture that the lecturer dropped a 2000-pound bomb on everybody; Individual Assignment is due on 1 Feb 2016.  Counting back the timeline, one can safely say that it's less than 4 weeks.

As an ever-green program, there will be new students every semester and this semester is no exception. Surprisingly, the majority of them are from the public sector with one of them from your former organization. Unfortunately, you didn't have a chance to strike up a conversation as you were late for class. Perhaps the next lecture you will attempt to make conversation to find out more and network.

But that aside, there are some new students which you potentially would network with in order to further the professional work relationships. You always believe in networking and building personal relationships in order to make it easier to get things resolved before the need to make it official pops up. Indeed, the useful mess culture where business can be resolved over a mug of beer has equipped you with these inter-personal relationship skills and come in handy in the private sector.

While school promises to be an exciting one, the work is becoming more challenging as you developed a KPI framework for the department and pieced all the data in order to analyzed the trends. It's not easy given that no one has done it before and you are practically applying the knowledge gained from the classes to design something from scratch. But it's an interesting experience and being able to be part of the strategy team and translate it into functional plans is something that makes the job satisfying.

But is that comparable to having a view of the heavens at 35,000 ft and watching sunset/sunrise while flying a jet? Definitely not. 

It has been a fruitful long weekend as you caught up with the ex-squadron mates, getting some office work done and kick-off the budgeting process in the areas of furnishings and appliances for the new house. Unfortunately, time is never enough and you never had enough time to catch up on the reading.

But one thing has indeed changed; you have lost interest in those sleazy and dark watering holes, preferring those relaxing drinking places with a good live band (i.e Paulaners). Not only have you outgrown these places which were defining moments in your younger years, you are starting to feel the after-effects of late nights which you makes you lethargic for a few days. 

With 2015 gone and the long weekend over, it's time to start off the new work and schooling year. Like all students, you are headed back to school tomorrow to complete the final semester of your graduate diploma program. And common to all students, you always hate the first day of school where you have to jump-start the mental engine which have been left dormant after the exams. But you are also looking forward to school; to absorb new knowledge and to catch up with your classmates.

And of course, you are also looking forward to a big variable bonus payout, which you hope would be substantial as your appraisal has been good. Yet by looking at the economy and low crude price, you just hope that it would not be too disappointing. 

1. Stay away from J's life as much as possible. She has already chosen the safest and most secure route where predictability and stability is the cornerstone of her relationship goal, one where she can stay in control of. All you can do is silently cheer her on and wish her the best. <<Looking good so far. As far as you are concerned, you will not and would not do anything to jeopardize her current way of life>>;

2. Train for and obtain that elusive IPPT Gold. <<Not achieved due to back injury>>;

3. Proceed with your 5 year plan of saving and investing aggressively for that house and car that you have set your sights on. In between this, you will continue on your quarterly holiday breaks to recharge. <<On track. Still striving to save even more money.>>;

4. Pick up diving after a hiatus of 2 years. It will be integrated as part of the quarterly break. Time to take out the regulators, BCD and wet suit. <<Haven't been diving at all due to time and according of priority to saving up>>;

5. Head back to school for a certifiable skill set, which in this case, is that Graduate Diploma in HR. <<On track. One more semester and you would be graduating from the program>>;

6. Study and attempt that 14 ATPL exam papers.<<Not achieved. You decided to adopt a wait-and-see approach until you land the pilot job>>

Besides the above-mentioned hits-and-misses, one surprising thing to have happened was to have your photo published in a commemorative book by Chevrons. While it may not be those award-winning photos in National Geographic, it's a recognition of your photography ability.

Moving forward, you are going to make sure that 2016 is going to be a good year. Your resolutions for 2016 are;

2016 Resolutions

1. To take to the skies again and regain your flying currency;

2. To go for a long trip at least once a year. <>

3. Start hunting for and get the house which you have yearn for.

4. Start doing long runs again.

As for the relationship department, while you hope to find a partner-in-crime, you are still apprehensive about giving your heart to anyone. Like how the BFF's wife put it, you have to learn to let go of the past, one which you are slowly learning to. When asked which type of girl you seek, its nothing more complicated than someone who is compassionate, accept you for who you are, outdoor and sporty person.

While 2015 has plenty of ups and downs like the stock-market, 2016 will be better for you are the one in control of how you want it to be. And to you, the best is yet to be.

During your flying training days, you remembered that you had problems landing the training aircraft. It was one of your darkest moments as you knew that without a successful landing, you would not be able to fly solo. Compared to your cohort of cadet pilots, you were lagging behind as they started to fly their solo sorties, in preparation for their Private Pilot Licence check-ride.

But you always remembered your flight instructor's teachings; that you shouldn't compare yourself with others because each individual is unique with their unique talents. If one has to compare, the only person to fight and to better would be oneself.

In fact these words of wisdom has stuck with you ever since. When moments which your efforts did not commensurate with the results you felt you were deserving of, you would look back to those difficult moments of flying training. The words of wisdom were your salvation when moments of self-doubt strikes and you would feel somewhat comforted that it could had been worst.

You would also remind yourself that you have done your best and the most important thing was that you had learnt something out of it. Someday, your efforts would be recognized and appreciated by those who matter. For the best is yet to be.   

 

With Christmas being a jolly good season, its small wonder that the town would be packed. Even the rains did not dampen the celebratory mood, as everyone is in town shopping for presents or just enjoying the light-up. Even though you want to soak in the celebratory mood, you keep thinking about this paradox.

While the restless part of you wants to grab the camera and tripod out to capture the beautiful lights, the quiet part of you would rather stay at home with a book and a glass of wine. You wonder whether the reluctance to soak in the atmosphere is due to a lack a partner-in-crime to join in the fun or whether its attributed to the fact that you have outgrown the adventurous phase of your life.

Maybe it's a combination of both. 

When you think of a partner-in-crime, your thoughts still turns to J. In this cooling weather, all you want to do is to cuddle in each other's arms on the sofa by the bay windows with a glass of wine and books. Even now, as you think of her, you still feel the butterflies in the stomach, your breathing and heartbeat quickens.

But you snap yourself back to reality. You chide yourself for being such a hopeless romantic. You have to remind yourself (again) that things have changed. You are not the ONE. She is better off not knowing that you thinking of her in this cooling and quiet night as you stand by the window with a glass of wine.

It irks you to see people getting fixated on their lifestyle devices these days. People seems to be more connected to whats happening around the world yet disconnected from the on-goings around them.   

You see people engrossed in make-believe dramas played out in their tablets, oblivious to the real-life happenings around them as they commuted. Then there are those who multi-task by texting on their mobile phones as they walk among the throngs of people.

Its made even worst when they stop dead in their tracks amidst the throngs of people exiting the trains, stations on their way to their destination, engrossed in their little mobile world.You have seen near-misses happening during your daily commute as the human traffic maneuvered to avoid them.

You just wished that people around you could disconnect in order to connect. To spend time connecting in person instead of via technology.   

Times have changed when you sitting in front of the computer on a Saturday evening surfing for fuss-15-minutes-to-prepare healthy breakfast recipes for the week ahead and shopping for foodstuff on a Sunday morning.

With the annual window for physical fitness exam ending soon, you figured that injury or not, you got to lose some weight and get the body into ship-shape condition. Indeed, you have started to drag the body back to the gym and beat it back to shape (Even though round is considered a shape as you visualise J saying that). 

The effects of not visiting the gym for the past few months was quite evident. Your breathing is more laboured, your heart rate goes up to 184 bpm as you run a 5:45 pace. The body aches from lack of physical abuse and the mind feels lethargic from a lack of exercise. But you feel a sense of satisfaction as the perspiration drips off the body after pumping iron and pounding the threadmill.

Despite the pain from all the dormant muscles, you know that its part and parcel of getting yourself back on track to the physique you once had. Besides, working out allows you vent off all the stress and frustrations of many things that bothers you. As Sir Winston Churchill once said: "We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out."

But doesn't unsaid words lead to many assumptions? Sometimes you rather hear the truth, no matter how painful it may be than be lead on a merry go-round. Perhaps, people worry about your feelings but does it matter when it has already been broken and numbed?  

A catch-up with friends after a long hiatus brought back many memories of the times spent in the mountains and how life since then has transformed each and everybody's life. But one thing that doesn't change was the times spent up in the mountains was something which everybody in the team treasured.

As the movie scenes traced the difficult route which you had once traversed through, you could not help but let out a quiet smile at the memories it brought back. The difficult journey, the breath-taking views, the quiet nights talking with J under the starlit night and the sleepless night she spent making sure you were still alive as you fought the effects of attitude sickness. 

Looking back at your own photos, you missed those times up in the mountains where everything was so simple and the view was all that kept you walking. It was also led on to something very beautiful, which you still treasure to this day. If only you can go back and start all over again, you would....and give her the security and assurance she needs.

You miss her so much....

如命懸十秒以內, 我想你在
如若忘掉你 呼吸不再
如突然害怕怯懦, 記得我在
如沒淪陷過, 不懂所愛
從未能遇上替代, 各種意外
誰倖存度過, 該懂怎愛

You are the epitome of the saying; "Live to eat" with the frequent food cravings. What used to be weekly Sunday sessions at your usual German bierhaus drinking beer and munching on sausages with a book has been replaced by cheaper alternative of studying in school with plain water and light snacks. Indeed, you are more cost conscious these days for you have to watch the wallet and the weight. 

That's why you enjoyed your two weeks of service to the nation for you have managed to squirreled away much money as you enjoyed the free breakfast, lunch and dinner. As you head on back to work tomorrow, you are going to maintain your financial prudence. 

Either you are packing your own healthy breakfast of grains with yogurt and a daily recipe of hot dish or you are packing the previous night leftover dinner. Coupled with the freshly brewed coffee, the large portions are often sufficient to keep you going till late afternoon when the stomach beckons for your attention. 

You are also starting to master the art of grocery shopping as you hunt for cheap deals which allows you to prepare a quick 15 minute breakfast given your habit for lazing on the bed. Hopefully with such financial prudence you would be able to scrimp and save enough for the house and car.

Three quarters of the year has passed by in a blink of an eye.

Bit by bit, life is robbing you of the opportunities which you once had. Perhaps it's a sign from the powers to be. As you sat down with a cup of aromatic coffee, you looked back at the past with regrets and refined your 5 year plan with trepidation. The foremost thoughts on your mind could be broken down into the 3 main areas; Career, Housing & Transport.

You are still going to keep trying for the carriers and find means to clock some flying hours to stay current. It may be an uphill task but definitely not insurmountable if you try hard enough. During your past week, you have drawn feedback from friends within the flying community on the options available and it's worth considering even if head across the border to do so. Flying has become a part of your life for you have nothing much left to look forward to.

At your age, it's time to be more independent and find a new abode for yourself. This new abode would be your safe harbour from nature's elements, your fortress from enemy attacks, your laboratory for developing new dishes, a place where you can recharge after a hard day of work. With the monthly savings set in motion, you hope that it would be sufficient for you to set up your abode by next year's end.

You don't need a condominium in order to prove any point for you are contented with a decent resale public housing with amenities and paid for without any loans (less the housing loan) taken. You are getting adverse to loans these days, preferring to keep more cash in hand for investments. While the desired outcome would be that of building a new nest with a significant other, it won't be happening for quite a while for the heart is still in agony. You are such a contradictory soul; You are free spirit and hates being tied down yet you yearn for a soul mate willing to see the world with you.

Ok, you have digressed.

On transport, you are getting an itchy backside and starting to look at the POV replacement plan. While time is needed to save up for this expensive endeavour, it's always good to start early. You once mentioned that a take home pay of more than $5k is needed before you can even start considering the purchase of a POV. Having bought a brand new POV before, you know that the hidden costs would bleed you dry if there's no proper planning. 

Now that you have a 2 year head start, its opportune to do some forward planning in the areas of season parking, maintenance, insurance, road tax and petrol. Only by amortising it over a 12 month period would you be able to determine the exact monthly requirements.Would it be a new or pre-owned POV? As of now, you are not sure. But you have selected the preferred brand and model and would be working towards it.

Enough of the 5 year plan. Time to fight the war of assignments.  

During the lull in your military duties, your conversations would revolve around flying as you talked shop with the pilots. Even though you are a low-hour pilot compared to them, you all have a common love for one thing: flying. 

You share something sacred to a few yet common to all pilots; that exhilaration as the aeroplane roars down the runway, freeing itself from the chains of gravity and soaring into the wild blue yonder. Even though you are extremely rusty now, the mere talk of flying is enough to ignite that dormant passion and remind you that you are still a pilot, first, a manager second. 

Flying to you is akin to the gallant dragon-slaying knight of the medieval times. After saving the princess, the knight rides off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Such is the intensity of feelings which flight evokes that you wonder whether you were reincarnated from the Romanticism period. . What a silly dream that is, isn't it? 

But dreaming has always been a part and parcel of you. It's something that keeps you optimistic, that keeps you positive when things are not going in your favour. But have you really learnt to let go of the many things which are beyond your control? How long can you continue to deceive yourself that everything is fine?

After so many hits and misses, you have been telling yourself: "算了吧". But, yet when you know something ain't looking nor feeling well, you will always be there, despite being there would not make a difference, nor mean anything.  

But you will continue to do what you can, so long as it brings joy and respite.

Taking advantage of the late reporting time today, you decided to make a trip to TC for a swim before this rustic place closes down for good this week. Despite the newer and larger facilities (which you checked too), you felt that the charm was missing. While you feel sad that the old TC is making way for the new TC, it would have to keep up with times in order to stay relevant and continue to maintain its competitive edge.

As you sat in the car with a heavy heart munching on the birthday cake breakfast which you had wanted to share, you realised that the closing of old TC marks the end of another chapter of your life; one where many happy moments and memories were formed in the KTV room, gym and swimming pool. 

But that's life, for it has to evolve and move forward with changing times. The only thing that doesn't change are the memories which you will continue to safeguard with your life, for that's the only thing which is left of you..and J. 

Sunday. 

The time where you are freed from the restraints of the alarm clock and able to sleep in for that little bit longer. Despite the body having been calibrated towards the way of an early riser over the years, the exhausted mind brought you back to dreamland for a couple of hours more. 

Indeed, the combination of work and school stress has made the body susceptible to exhaustion and illness. You relish a break under the clean white sheets (Note to self: Your future house would be equipped with a soft bed and clean white sheets) and the lapping waves calming the frayed nerves. Yet you are being contradictory here. How can you afford to have a break when the enemies of Demands is wrecking havoc on you?

Your fortress is under siege by the enemies of Demands, with their relentless bombardments attempting to breach the fortified walls on a daily basis. Despite the relentless bombardments, the fortress still stand tall, like an uncrushable cockroach. You do your best to keep the safe haven available, to cater for that ship to seek solace from the turbulent storms when needed.  

Indeed, it's a challenge trying to find that optimum balance as you try to fight the conflict on your own. You wished to have that like-minded someone, like J to fight this battle together and to face the turbulent storms as One.

One, where each other's imperfections are perfect when together;

One, where you can motivate each other when the going gets tough;

One, where you can strive together towards a shared goal;
One, where shared joy is double the joy;
One, where shared sorrow is half the sorrow gone;
One, where weekends can be spent having breakfast & freshly brewed coffee;

One, where the comfort of that hug tells you that everything is going to be ok;

One integrated fighting unit, facing the world...

The haze has came back with a blaze, literally. 

Even though the haze is irritating your eyes and throat, it brought a smile back to you. It reminded you how the haze stymied the long distance running, which forced you to activate your contingency plan; heading to the gym at TC to run on the treadmill like a hamster and increasing muscle mass with weights. Those were the days where weekends were your freedom ticket to an exciting weekend of exercise-long breakfast-chilling sessions with J. 

The charming TC was the sanctuary where peace and quiet reign (especially during weekdays), where the authentic Indian briyani and curry negate the effects of exercising. But soon, it will make way for more modern facilities. But will the charm of the past TC be there?

You have no idea..

When you are bogged down with work and other matters of life, you are faced with a dilemma. You have to prioritize and manage the ever-increasing life demands. Despite all these ever increasing demands, you try to care for those who means alot to you. But sometimes to be forgotten by the one to whom you never forget is the worst thing that can ever happen. 

Perhaps the stresses of work and studies have gotten into you again. Indeed your life has become a sensitive one which is a wave of highs and lows. You live with guilt and constant pain over unresolved situations, unreasonable demands and misunderstandings. You are a tortured soul that cannot live with hatred or being hated. 

A book you once read highlighted that sensitive people ends up hurting themselves in the long run for they don’t want to hurt other people as it is against their very nature. They want to make amends and undo the wrong they did. This type of person needs the most love anyone can give them because their soul has been constantly bruised by others. However, despite the tragedy of what they have to go through in life, they remain the most compassionate people worth knowing, and the ones that often become activists for the broken hearted, forgotten and the misunderstood. They are angels with broken wings that only fly when loved.

Now you understand why you can't soar like you once before..

With election rallies going on for the past week and talks of the country at stake, you have been filled with reflective thoughts as the week came to an end. Looking back, you reflected how you have benefited from the meritocratic system and how your stay overseas has shaped your views on the often perceived harsh policies which many people have taken for granted.

A talk with someone very dear to you has drawn the same conclusion which you have been harbouring for a while; that empathy is solely lacking. How does elected members empathise when most don't travel in public transport during the rush hour or stay in public housing? It's only through frequent no-notice walkabouts will there be more connectivity between the elected officials and commoners over daily bread-and-butter issues such as crowded public transport, expensive public housing and rising costs of living.

You struggle with crowded trains and buses as you head for work, you have to work harder to earn more money to buy a resale flat (you don't qualify for brand new 3 or 4-roomer BTOs as there's no one to share your life with) and while doing all these, worry about your yet-to-come children's education needs and retirement needs 30 years from now.

For now, you just do your best to save as much as you can (close to 50% of your salary goes to your savings these days) so you can be financially secured and do not need to incur un-necessary debts. You watch your spending in order to extract maximum value for every cent spent. Even with a 20% pay cut, you are proud to say that you have adjusted well to the new lifestyle, despite trading off additional savings to pursue your studies.

One week of the new school semester has come and passed. After the close shave of last semester, one would think that it's pays to be prepared in advance. Cognisant of the need to stay on top of things, you have started preparing for the semester by dedicating a full Saturday for revisions after attending the night classes. 

Weekday nights which are not spent in school are spent collating articles for the group assignment (You have been nominated group leader, again) and doing some preparatory work for the assignments. As much as you push yourself, you know that one needs to take a break to prevent burnout. So for now, your Sundays are kept free so you can catch up on your own reading or dreaming. Only then will you stay sane, amid the thoughts of her.

Have a good weekend.