Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Saying "No" to distractions vs Going back to dating scene
It is a season of furious mugging, cramming as much information into the brain as possible in the shortest possible time. Yet I have managed to find time to delve into the dating scene again..oh well, sorts of..
There's this gal I have been bumping into couple of times this semester. After bumping into her again at the bus interchange while on the way to school, I have promised myself to approach her..but I have reneged on this, after bumping into her again at the bus-stop just now.
She,too, noticed me while I was talking to my friends..especially after yesterday she gave me a long look when we boarded the bus..not those "what a hamsup guy he is" look mind you..but rather of those "hello..I am harmless kinda look.."..Maybe I am thinking too much again?...hahaha..
A short description of her; Average height, with an ice queen look..never have seen her smile at all, alone all the time, pretty studious..saw her at the library a couple of times studying her notes..
Oh well, if fate does allows us to meet again, I will not renege on my promise. There's still 2 days left till I get to bump into her again..so hopefully my procrastination will not kill it off. But all these while exams are just knocking on the door? It is a Catch-22 situation..while I am spending my time doing revision, this is happening..and as history has proven many times, many a man has suffered tremendously under the hands of woman.
Is there ever a balance between these two?
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Saturday, October 15, 2005
Stress..Stress and more Stress!!!!
The much dreaded exams are here again...and the mugging phase has already begun..
The hive of activity has gave way to the preparation for the battle.Students can be seen poring over lecture notes and doing tutorials all over the campus..and this also the time where the ugly and selfish side of humanity can be seen..but more on that later.
The process has already started for me one month ago..staying back till late clearing the never-ending tutorials..and trying to do some revision too. Weekends are not spared either for time is a commodity I hope to have enough of all the time. It has reached a stage whereby I am dragging myself to school everyday..Fatigue is starting to creep in and yet I can't afford to have the luxury of a good rest..
I feel like dropping everything and run to far-off place..a place where there are no exams, no tutorials.. a place for me to seek solace from the madness of everything...but no..I can't..a temporary reprieve would be to drown myself in alcohol..but like Sabrina, one of my friend, said, drinking is not a way out..which in a way I do agree..hahaha...but sometimes it does numbs the brain for a while.. but now I have taken to running to release all those pent-up stress which seems to help..especially the high I feel when I finish the run..nothing beats that..
About the selfish side to humanity, well all I can say, is that when exams come, its all for himself..I have witnessed students booking seats in the library by leaving their stuff on the chairs and going for their lessons. This deprives the rest of a place to study and when the librarian clear away their stuff after a stipulated time of absence, they make a big hooha over it. Well, come on, you stay on campus and you can study in your halls' study lounges or the canteens,why do you need to book seats and deprive people who stay off-campus of a place to study?
Furthermore, most of the time, these are done by foreign students..not that I am stereotyping..but seems like they don't seem to understand the rules. My friend witnessed an incident which seems to illustrates the point. He was studying when he saw a foreign student plugging his lappy adaptor and leaving his bag ON THE FLOOR. Off he went for his lunch. A local comes along with a friend, sees seat is empty, nothing on the table and takes the place.
45 minutes later, foreign guy comes back and demands that local kid vacate the place. Kid refuses by saying that there wasn't anything on the table or chair so he ain't moving. Foreign boy kicks up a fuss and shakes the chair demanding that he wants it back..local kid stands up and went off to look for librarian. Librarian comes, warns foreign kid not to do it again and leaves..local kid pissed off, packs his stuff and leaves the library..
Now tell me what will you do if the fella was you? Given me, I will ask him to f*** off..if he tries to harm me physically, I will be glad to return the favour..been spoiling for a fight recently..perhaps due to the stress...hahaha..
Anyway I think these fellas are just spoilt brats and are used to having their own way...sometimes it might be necessary to teach them a lesson or two in life..haha..so if they don't disturb me, I will keep to myself..but if they do..God help them..hahaha..
Well...exams are coming soon and I will not be able to blog that often..so till then wish me luck!!!
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Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Start of Operation Mugging Exams..
Yes, yes, today marks the start of the another battle..a battle so tough, that it will leave me physically and mentally drained at the end of it..yet it is something I hope would come soonest.
Finally the quizzes are over..well to say I did badly seems like an belittling myself..I know the groundwork laid for the quizzes are inadequate...hence the poor performance. Out of the 5 quizzes so far, I have flunk one and a maybe in one more..the rest are that outstanding either..
Perhaps, I am too demanding on myself..but I feel that I have not done enough for the exams. .time seems to be running out all the time..haiz...
On the other note, I have finally found the story from 933's Music Diary..so enjoy reading it!!!
树的告白：
会叫树的原因，是因为我擅长画水彩画，最爱画树，久而久之， 我的画作右下方索性以一棵树来代
表我。高中三年交过五个女朋友，有一个女孩子，我很爱她，却迟迟不敢追， 她没有美丽的面孔，
没有姣好的身材，没有撩人的魅力， 一个再平凡不过的女孩子。我喜欢她，真的真的很喜欢她，喜
欢她的单纯， 她的直率，她的可爱，她的智障，她的脆弱。 不追她的原因，也许是潜意识觉得平
凡如她配不上我； 也许是因为怕在一起后，一切的好感都会消失； 也许是怕外人的指指点点伤害了
她； 也许是觉得，她会是我的，不用急着为了她而放弃一切。 最后这个原因，让她陪了我三年，让
她看着我和别的女孩子厮混了三年， 让她心痛了三年。 她很想当一个好演员，但我却像一个严
苛的导演。 我和第二个女朋友在厕所接吻，被她撞见， 她尴尬的笑笑说：“go on！”然后跑掉，第二
天， 她眼睛肿得跟核桃一样，我故意不去猜想是谁让她哭成这样， 嘲笑了她一天，她在所有人都回
家后，在教室哭了起来， 她不知道练球回来拿东西的我，看了她一个多小时。 我的第四个女朋
友，一直很不喜欢她，有次她们两个吵了起来， 我知道依她的个性不会去惹事，但我还是护着女朋
友， 她被我吼了一下后，愣住，眼泪滑了下来，我无视她的眼泪， 陪女友走出教室，第二天，她依
旧嘻嘻哈哈的和我开玩笑， 我知道她很难过，但她不会知道我的心不比她好受。 当我和第五个女
朋友分手时，我约她出去玩，玩了一天，我对她说： “我有事要对你说。”她说：“真巧，我也有事要对
你说。” “我和她分手了。”“我和他在一起了。”我知道“他”是谁， 他追她也有一阵子了，是个蛮可
爱的男孩子，活泼有趣，充满了热情， 追她追得满城风雨。我不能表现自己的心痛，只能笑笑地恭
喜她， 但当我回到家，心中的痛楚强烈得令我无法承受， 像有个千斤重的石头压在我胸口，我无法
呼吸，想大叫却叫不出来， 眼泪竟然滑了下来，我掩面大哭，多少次， 我也看着她为了那个不愿承
认的人掩面大哭。毕业典礼时，我在手机上发现了一封简讯，这是十天前， 我掩面大哭时传来的，
只是我一直没有去开过机。
“叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留？”
叶子的告白：
高中时，喜欢搜集叶子，why？因为我觉得， 一片叶子要离开它长期依赖的树，好勇敢哩！ 高中
三年，我和一个男孩子很好，不算男女朋友那种好， 是好朋友那种好，但是，在他交第一个女朋友
时， 我学会了一种不该有的感觉，吃醋，心中的酸， 不是一颗柠檬可以比喻，那就像是100颗臭酸
的柠檬，酸到不行， 他们只在一起两个月，当他们分手，我还得掩饰自己心中强烈的喜悦， 但是一
个月后，他和另一个女孩子在一起。 我喜欢他，也知道他喜欢我，可是，他为什么总是不追我
呢？ 明明喜欢彼此，为什么不行动？每当他交一个女朋友，我就心痛一次， 一次又一次的打击，让
我不禁怀疑，是我一厢情愿吗？不爱我， 为什么要对我那么好？他对我的好，已经不是普通朋友可
以做到。 喜欢一个人，好难过，我可以清楚的知道他的喜好，他的习惯， 唯独他对我的感觉，我猜
不透，难道要我这个女孩子去开口吗？ 尽管如此，我还是想在他身边，关心他，陪他，爱他， 也许
算是一种等待的行为，等待他回来爱我，就像每天晚上等他的电话， 等他的简讯，我知道，就算他
再忙，也会拨出一些时间给我。 这样的等待，陪了我三年，等待是难熬的，是令人想放弃的， 但等
到的那一刹那，让人第二天会继续等下去。 这样的煎熬，这样的痛苦，这样的幸福，这样的矛
盾，陪了我三年。 直到三年级下学期，高二一个学弟喜欢上我，每天的热情追求， 令我从一开始的
拒绝，渐渐愿意挪出我心房的一些位置给他。 他像一阵温柔而持久的风，撩拨我这片摇摇欲坠的叶
子，到最后， 我发现我已经不想只留一点点的位置给这阵风，我知道这阵风， 会带我这片伤痕累累
的叶子，到更幸福的地方。 于是我离开了树，树只是笑笑，没有挽留。
“叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留？”
风的告白：
因为我喜欢的女孩子叫叶子，因为她有一棵令她依恋的树， 所以我要当一阵风，一阵呵护她的风。
第一次看见她，是高二我转来一个月后的事，个子小小的她坐在球场旁， 一双眼凝视着同和我在球
场的学长，每天的社团时间，她总会坐在那里， 一个人，和朋友，她的眼光依旧凝视着他，当他和
女孩子打打闹闹， 她的眼中有泪，当他看向她，她的眼中有笑。看她成了我的习惯， 就像她爱看
他。 有一天她没来，我心中没来由的焦虑与不安，我无法解释那种感觉， 除了不安，还是不安，
而且那学长竟然也不在。我冲去他们教室， 躲在外面，看着学长骂她，她的眼泪，他的离去。 第二
天，她依旧坐在场边，看着他，我走过去，对她笑一笑， 拿了张纸条给她，她先是惊讶的看着我，然
后笑笑地收下。 隔天，她拿着纸条出现在我面前，然后离开。 “叶子的心太沉重，风吹不动。”
“不是叶子的心太沉重，是叶子根本就不想离开树。” 我回给她这段话后，她渐渐会和我说话，收
我的礼物，接我的电话。 我知道她喜欢的不是我，但我还是有毅力一定要让她喜欢上我， 四个月内
我告白了不下20次，每一次她都转移话题，但我还是不会放弃， 我决定要的人，我就一定会给它追
过来！ 一直到不知道第几次的告白，出了口，虽然知道她一定会又说到别的事， 但还是有一丝
丝希望她的答应，没想到她都不说话，“你在干嘛？怎么不说话？” 我对着话筒说。 “我在点
头。” “啊？”我不敢相信自己的耳朵。 “我在点头！”她大声叫。 我甩掉电话，匆匆披上一件衣
服，上了机车，冲去她们家按门铃， 当她开门的那一刹那，紧紧抱住她。
“叶子的离开，是因为风 的追求，还是树的不挽留？”
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