Sunday, September 30, 2007
Living for yourself or for others?
Have you wondered what's the main purpose of your existence? To live for yourself or for the others?
For the past two decades, I felt that I have lived for others, so much so that I have not lived my dream. When I was given an opportunity to study overseas, I turned it down as there were so many family problems back then.
I gave up a what could had been a good relationship so that I could be there for the family when they needed me.
Now that everything is well and fine, I feel like living for myself for a start and let my brothers run the show..do all the chauffering, bringing the family around..but in the end, I am still the one doing it..as my brothers are either out dating their girlfriends or working those odd-hour shifts.
I guess I am getting cynical or tired from all these responsibilities that's been heaped on me since young..I want to live for myself, do all the things which I did not have the opportunity to do; to go on dates without worrying about the family, to study/work overseas for a stretch without worrying about the family.
Am I being selfish to do all these?Labels: Random Thots
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Sunday, September 23, 2007
has reared its ugly head again. "Where is this whole thing with Christina going? Does she want to take this thing to another level?" I keep asking myself.
I really don't know where this is taking me..I keep asking myself, is it just an one-sided affair on my part since the start? Sometimes it seems like I am back to the time when I was going after Sharon..in the end, it didn't work out. Am I still living under the shadow of the past, which is causing me to hold back?
I am seriously perturbed by it as I don't have an inkling on what she thinks about me; perhaps to her I am just another close guy friend, who can provide a listening ear to all of her rumblings...but to me, she is the final piece of puzzle I have been searching for all this while.
If all of my friends are reading this, all I want to ask is "What should I do?"Labels: Matters of the heart
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Monday, September 17, 2007
Message to the people up there..
May all of you give strength and faith to Chris as she fights this tough battle and emerge unscath..
Chris, don't you worry too much, it will be over before you even know about it...Labels: Matters of the heart
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Sunday, September 16, 2007
When do you do not have much to do over weekends, you ran out of novels to read and the rainy weather is forcing you to stay indoors, what do you do?
You contemplate how far you have come in your young existence on this blue planet.
Call me narrow-minded or whatever, but I ain't thinking about world peace, global warming or the impact of natural disasters on the human race, all these should be done by those policy-makers, not me. Rather I am thinking on what I can/ will do in the few years. Below is the list I have thought about using the recently freed-up capacity in the brain, all in accordance to priority;
1. To find that missing piece of jigsaw puzzle (I don't want to elaborate on this..those in the know understand what I am talking about)
2. Erm...get married once s/n 1 is resolved..
3. Do my current job to the best of my ability without sacrificing any time for the family.
4. Save enough $$$$ for a Master Degree/ House of my dreams
5. Be ready for transition into my second career as a commercial pilot.
6. Explore the world with my wife and in the future, with a couple of kids in tow.
That's what 2 days of pure slackness and without any alcohol can do to you..think too much..Labels: Random Thots
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Saturday, September 15, 2007
I am becoming a mini-celebrity!!!
I think I am becoming like a mini celebrity of sorts nowadays with all the attention that's being heaped on me. It's like a rendition of Train-Man being played out all over again...haha.. *Waves to friends*. Sorry fellas, no autographs and pictures..hahaha..
So to all of you ZPS people, welcome to my blog that you have always been DYING to know about..but pls do keep it from Christina..
You see, I was attending a wake with a couple of close friends when out of the blue, they asked "How come Christina did not attend with you?"...I was dumbfounded..and within minutes, I was "requested" to give an update on our current status to the nth degree.
Adding to the "grilling" session on Monday, I was "required" (read: blackmailed) to provide another update during our dinner gathering earlier on...haiz.. Seems like all of them, including my uni-friends are pretty concerned about my future with her, which they commented was looking good given that I am out with her like, once a week, ever since we met?
Truth to be told is that, while there's progress, the pessimistic side of me tends to believe in Murphy's Law..that perhaps it's just an one-sided proposition? What if she's just treating me like a normal friend? While it could be due to a lack of confidence on my part, I also do not want to fall into the abyss that I once did many moons ago..for me, it's a fog-of-war situation where you do not know what the other side is thinking..that there's no ample intelligence to fight this battle.
Even though I have yet to pop the question, she's already well aware of the many things that I have done for her, which is out-of-the norm that any normal friend would have done; well, even an outsider reading my previous posts would have known that I am wooing her. And to top it off, whether it's fated or not, I have been running into her twice in a row on consecutive days..which she is even amazed by it..
While everyone is happy for me, I am still worried that all these may fall apart. But the ultimate thing is her happiness, which is something only she herself can decide. Even though I may not have the physique of a rugger to give her the security, the elite status of being a white-collared professional to make her look good, what I can offer is my shoulder for her to lean on when she is sad, my ears for her to sound out her problems and be there for her when she needs me. Sounds corny? Too bad..because, I have been there and done that.
As long as she is happy, that's the most important thing to me.Labels: Matters of the heart
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Friday, September 07, 2007
Went out with Chris for dinner yesterday. As usual, we had our share of fun and laughter, plus some shopping too...what I didn't know she was that she was nursing a bad headache..which grew worse when I took her to V-Tea room for its renowned Melt cake..
And I gave her something that was out-of-stock when we went shopping the other day: A watch with her star sign on it. It happened I was going for a drink at my regular drinking hole when I stopped by the stall to try my luck..and voila, there it was!!! And the last piece to beat..so no second thoughts, I just took it.
With her headache getting kinda out of control, I stopped over at a convienience store and got her some painkillers and water..well it helped to a certain extent and we went to Seletar Dam for a chat. While I am glad that she shared her work woes with me, I felt guilty for asking her out even though she wasn't feeling well...if only she had rescheduled it...Labels: Matters of the heart
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