Finding myself in the lost world..

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Forever waiting....for you..

[1:02 am]

Ocean's apart day after day
And i slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you

Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

You wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance..

P.S. Saw you with our mutual friends while chilling out just now. I have so many things to say to you..but the timing doesn't seem right. I could had walked over and say hello..but I didn't. Should we remain status quo? Or like what my bud says, wait till you are married and your kid is 8 years old, or till you are divorced again? What now?

Labels: Matters of the heart

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Monday, April 21, 2008

Why like that?

[10:42 pm]

Wonder whether it's prevalent in any industry or just mine; that while working one day, you suffer from chest pains and it's so serious that you have to be admitted to the hospital...

Why am I saying this? I was having a lunch with a couple of colleagues today and was shocked to find out that a super fit colleague of mine suffered a heart attack while at work one day. How can someone who gets an IPPT gold every year and just one year older than me be suffering from heart disease? It's so bad that he has to wear a heart-rate monitor and make adjustments to his working life just to ensure that he doesn't get another heart attack.

In a span of one year, this is the second case of a friend who gets chest pains/ heart attack while at work..shit man...makes you wonder what the heck the organisation is doing. In the name of right-sizing (a good term to replace down-sizing), many appointments have been cut without fully giving any thought of the consequences. It becomes a chain reaction.

So what happen to the jobs when the appointments are cut? It doesn't get cut, instead, it gets re-distributed, making the already heavy workload heavier.

When you can't finish the job, you have to work late. Because of the sensitivities of the documents we deal with, taking work home is a big no-no. Working late translate to lesser time spent with the family, which translates to more red cards and leading to rocky marriage/relationships.

And after slogging your ass off for the past 4 years or so, you just want to be transferred to a less demanding department to recuperate and take a breather before taking up a more demanding job. But, no, the boss denies your request. That's not even the worse thing; the worse thing that can happen is during the department performance appraisal, not only do they don't fight for you, they give you all sorts of stupid reason...kaoz..

So much for people development and realising our potential, which the organisation is promoting aggressively nowadays.

Little wonder that so many good people are leaving this organisation. The funny thing is; the pay we are getting now is way much more than what our peers are getting..yet many people chose to leave.

That's not the life I want man. I don't want to collapse at my workstation one day due to overwork...lose a relationship or a family because of all the heavy workload.

P.S. Where are you? I missed you tremendously. Is it because you have found new love, that's why you are avoiding me? Sometimes I really fear that I will forget how you'll look like again. If only FATE gives us a chance...

Labels: Random Thots

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Sunday, April 13, 2008

A close call..

[2:57 pm]

The country nearly lost one of its finest officers a few days ago. I was out on routine training with the boys when I saw an incoming squall heading towards our location. After sending the boys down to seek shelter, another fellow officer and me proceeded to man the station.

We were having a chat when lightning struck the lightning protection system, which was just 1m in front of us. The bright flash of light and sparking made us ducked under the cover of..the groundsheet covering our station. The loud boom that followed was deafening.

A few minutes later, another bolt of lightning struck again. We started debating whether to make a run for the safety of the shelter downstairs which was a 2 min sprint away. By then, lightning were dancing around us and we knew that we were in the midst of the lightning cloud. We decided to take the risk of being struck while running for cover rather than to sit there waiting to be struck.

After sprinting downstairs, we sat down and heaved a sigh of relief for that close call. During that lightning strike, I just saw my life unfolding in front of me; my schooling days, my family and her.
It also woke me up from the fact that there are still many things left undone. It has also deepen my resolve to press the "RESET" button 4 years later.

I think I should stop working so hard and spend more time with the family and doing the things that I think should be done...

Labels: Random Thots

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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Little bits here and there..

[12:01 am]

will accumulate into many line items...

Slowly and surely, the horse has become more attractive with the addition of new lungs, new voice, and new stirrups.

Just like doing a workplan, everything has to be conducted in phases. With phase I implemented, phase II will see the addition of reinforcement bars and energy boosters. Long term wise, line items will be replaced with higher performance parts once they have reached the end of their life-spans.

Till now, I have been riding the horse towards the rising sun, albeit all alone without the princess by the side. At nights like this, I worry that I would not be able to remember her face. At times, I also wonder how she is getting by.

Recently I received my performance appraisal. Even though the appraisal was good, with a chance of getting promoted in grade next year, I don't feel any joy without her by my side to share it with me. Try as I might, I hope she is reading the mails I have sent to her.

I miss you with every single beat of my heart...

Labels: Random Thots

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