Saturday, September 24, 2011
Just when I thought she is on the way to recovery from her emotional breakdown, she had another relapse.
Its difficult to contextualise it but it all started because of a SMS which rang an alarm bell within me. I And I was glad that I made the decision to go down to the pub to drag her home. To see her crying so badly broke my heart. She kept saying that she don't deserve such a nice guy like me and that I should move on and find a better girl who can love me as much as I loved her.
At this point in time, I wasn't even thinking about all this but rather where I can find more tissues for her crying. In the end, I just gave up and hugged her, telling her everything is going to be alright and that I will accompany her on this difficult journey. While deep down she was worried about me being her rebound romance, I told her not to worry about it and told her that she is not emotionally ready for another relationship.
As she didn't want to go home, I drove all the way to Changi Beach and we sat down on a bench (with a box of tissues, of course) and spent the night talking. She broke down occasionally in between our conversations and I spent the night consoling her. Even in her state of mental turmoil, she was still concerned about my lack of sleep and very apologetic for disrupting my sleep and kept asking whether I was tired. How can I let go of such a nice gal?
In the end, we sat there till early this morning before I sent her home and walked her to her apartment. A hug and kiss from her told me that I meant much to her. I told her that I will accompany her on this difficult journey before leaving for home.
How I manage to muster up enough energy to accompany her through the night is a miracle as right now I am feeling the fatigue creeping through my bones. In the end, all I can say is that, as long she is happy, nothing is more important.
Labels: Matters of the heart
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Sunday, September 18, 2011
The time spent with her has been great thus far. There are always plenty of joy and laughter when we are together. When we went blading yesterday, she was humming a tune as we were blading; which meant that she was happy.
In fact, she did mentioned that we should blade every week so that our skills can get better. Well, I have no objections to that!! While we have been going out every week, I have to keep reminding myself that she is still at a stage whereby friends are important than relationships. I do not want to bring myself to a stage where I become infatuated with her and start to lose myself in the process.
When I knew that she was still recovering from the emotional drain, I bought her a sunflower, something I have not done since S. She was shocked from it and the next thing I knew, she sms'd me at night saying that she hoped that she ain't giving me the wrong idea as at this juncture in her life, she is looking for friends.
I knew that it was coming and I had to force myself to come up with the correct answer that I treated her as a friend and that the flower was meant to bring some cheer into her life. It was a moral dilemma between telling her that I have fallen for her and vs that of "Don't be crazy, I treat you as a friend." But I did tell her that whether or sparks do fly between us in the end, I just hoped that I had left a positive footprint in her life.
I guess for now, I have to keep reminding myself that we are just friends and that by virtue we are going out alone now is half the battle won. Now the remaining 50% battle will depend alot on the next few months...
Labels: Matters of the heart
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Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Have known this girl from work for about nine months. But it was only until recently we went out on dates together. Well, she broke off with the boyfriend whom she was going to marry not too long ago and was trying to recover from the world of hurt. I had been getting her out in the hope that she can move on.
Hence, we have been going out on soccer game watching dates, movie-date, etc. But when I saw her sleeping peacefully with a smile on her face in my car whilst I was driving her home that day, I knew she has gotten over the break-up. And I knew my job is done...or so I thought..
So one fine day I decided to ask her out again for a blading session, she said she wants to bring along the ex-boyfriend along. My heart sunk when she told me that. "Ok, sure..", was all that I can say. Sometimes I just feel sad when she recounts to me about her ex-boyfriends when we are out together.
Guess I am moving into the love mine-field again..something I have been telling myself not to. When can I walk out of this minefield. I wonder?Labels: Matters of the heart
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