In a blink of an eye, the semester has officially ended with the completion of the final paper. For some students, these would be their last semester whereby they graduate while for some, like yours truly, it's just the beginning. Looking back, you wondered how you have survived the late nights and weekends fighting the assignment wars.

It has not been an easy journey but you have somehow survived it through grit and determination. Even though this evening's paper has left everybody shell-shocked and worried about the need to attempt the supplementary paper, all were glad that it was over, for now. You wished you could celebrate the conclusion of exams with J, which of course, was just a wishful thinking on your part. That wishful thinking also went on further that J would be waiting outside the exam hall for you with a reassuring hug. But she would be busy fighting her own war, one that you would never understand or even comprehend. 

While the exams may be over, you now have to prepare for another exam of equal importance; the pilot interview. Even though you have decided to attempt the interview, you are still unsure whether to accept it in the event you clear all the stages. Guess, everything is one step at a time.

Months of lectures and sleep-deprived assignments have finally culminated in the 3-hour paper which tested your understanding of the subject. While the 486-chipset brain struggled to regurgitate the memory items, the hand was busy scribbling them onto the answer booklet despite the pain of writing so much was ignored.

Time was of an essence as you attempted to score as much points as possible. For once, you were glad the acronym-crazy flying world came in handy for the way it allowed you to memorise key points. For example, C.L.I.M.B was short for Cost-of-Living, Long-Term-Incentives, Incentive, Merit Pay and Base Pay. As a visual person, you had to use mind maps in order to conceptualise and remember all the concepts and the acronym method has certainly helped to make it easier. 

Oh well, one paper is down and one more to go before this semester is over. While you don't know whether you will do well, you know that you have done what you can. Even though now you long for J's encouragement and TLC like what she did when you were attempting your checkrides, it is not possible anymore. Things have to change and you just to face the fact that she is no longer there and her TLC is now substituted with a calories heavy Macdonald's meal with unsalted fries and chilli with the curry sauce.

The past few days of studying in school and library has taught you some lessons on human dynamics and the state of youth these days. Compared to your student days eons ago, you can say that they really have it good. 

From the campus shuttle bus bringing students around a campus which you "hiked" from one end to another for lectures, tutorials and workshops to better equipped library facilities, life in your alma mater polytechnic has improved drastically. In addition, the students are more tech-savvy and studious compared to your time. You can't remember the library study tables being that crowded when you were there.

But it brought about another observation; this time not from your alma mater, but your existing school. It seems like students these days are not as resilient as those of the yester-years. In addition, it seems like they have taken the sense of entitlement a tad too far for your liking. Take for example when you were in school over the weekend with the air-con shut down for maintenance. While some of the matured students were roughing it out, the younger lots in the accent of the friendly neighbouring country were literally cursing about the air-con shutdown.

Short of starting a diplomatic war of words, that constant irritating accent got on your nerves a few times and you just had to turn around and glare at them to send a message across. Perhaps, the weather has gotten into you too, but hey, aren't everybody suffering equally? If you can't take the warm weather, then head over to Macdonalds or Starbucks and study under the cooling air-con. 

As you reflected on this matter in particular, you wonder if it's because your resentment of them that made you feel this way. Just because they are treated differently back home, they come over here to compete with the locals over education, jobs (including the flying jobs when they banned your countrymen from joining theirs) and many other things. The best part of it is that you have to serve and protect them together with your fellow countrymen while they reap all these benefits. 

Well, you have digressed too much. But nothing can erase the suspicion and distrust of them which you have formed over the years in the organisation. Well, this generation of youngsters have a long way to go before they really understand the journey to today's success was not an easy one and that they shouldn't take anything for granted.

The exam fever has struck again as you do your best to revise for the exams amid the heavy workload. In between the last lectures, you do your utmost to catch up on the lost time studying at the library till closing hours.

While the old you would had kill for a beverage to relax after a rough day of work and studies, the "Calories Warning" picture keeps blinking in the mind. Coupled with a drained mind, you would rather hit the bed as soon as you can. 

Adding to the drained mind is the much-feared gastric troubles. Without the luxury of proper meal times, you are just living on the edge again as you race against time to complete the revision. All you hope is that you can have a proper rest once the exams are over and not have to take any supplementary paper.

Everything is going to be fine..as long as you believe..

You chanced upon an online article titled: "The Pain Of Realizing Your ‘Forever’ Was Never Really Your Forever At All" recently. Even though poring deep into the books in preparation of your exams should be your key focus now, the title was catchy enough to distract you.

Like the writer, you still hold onto the idea that one day both of you would find each other and finally be ready to make it work, to start your lives together, to be happy. She changed your life. Whether for better or for worse is still to be decided and you won’t be able to decide until the fat lady sings. But you do know that you loved her deeply and the deeper you love, the more difficult and painful it will be to break yourself free of it.

As you continue to reconcile that there's no longer a forever, you try to change your way of thinking. While some may choose to hate the person that they once loved, you just don't have the heart to do that. So you do what you do best. You shut yourself away from the world of forever and focus your thoughts towards things that are tangible. 

And the deeper you love, the more focus you would need to bring yourself out. And it won't be easy, for the agony of pain has struck you countless times and will continue to do. Even now, the heart still skips a beat when you see her on the streets and you know that you have a long way to go. Does she feel the same way too, you wonder?

But why do you keep thinking about how she feels when she is no longer in your life? Such thoughts are what triggers your emotions and you just hope that by focusing, everything will be fine. You just have to keep fighting, to fight away the pain of forever, which you once believed in, in her and with her.

Given your advanced age of 33, you figured that you would no longer be called up for any interviews by the airlines. 

But you were wrong. Somehow, the resumes which you have deposited in the local carriers have been found. So, there you are, given a chance for an interview next month. If you do clear the interview, the next huddle would be the Simulator assessment to determine your skills.

Beyond this opportunity, this still came as a shock for you have been conditioning yourself to fly on a recreational basis instead as an airline pilot after not hearing from anybody for a year. Now that you are working towards a certification in your back-up field, you wonder if the powers-to-be are playing a joke on you.

Well, since you are given a chance, you should do your best and give it a shot. If it's meant to be yours, it will be yours. Meanwhile, you have to stay focused on your upcoming exams and prepare for the interview after that.

You felt as if a load has been lifted off your shoulders with the submission of the 4th and the last of the assignments. You can finally take a breather for a few days before starting to prepare for the exams which would be in 3 weeks time.

Time has passed by so fast that you wonder how much you have missed out. There have been countless times where you felt overwhelmed until you felt like giving up and using the darkness plus soothing waves to hide those lonely tears. Even though you are an emotional and compassionate person by nature, you couldn't display your emotions openly. Such display of emotions among your subordinates or superior would had been construed as being unprofessional. Hence the beach and sometimes the airport has been your hideout. 

While your schoolmates or colleagues had the benefits of spousal or significant other-half support, you are fight your battles alone, without any form of support. You fight with a vengeance for there's nothing to fall back on if you lose your battles. It has reached such a stage that friends noticed a change in you; that you are out to prove something to that the best is yet to be. 

One day, you will show everyone who didn't give you the opportunities on what they had missed out when you made it. 

But you are so hopelessly wrong.

Amid the stressful and politicking work environment, you seek peace.

Amid the long nights spent at school after work hours crafting out the group assignments, you seek inspiration.

Amid all these multiple demands, you seek escape.

While you struggle to find an equilibrium, you do your best to motivate yourself; to push yourself beyond the light at the end of the tunnel, to punch above the storm clouds of uncertainties. 

Solitude is something you seek, yet you wish someone is there to accompany you to places you have never been, to explore the horizons and to create memories of a lifetime. You dream of lounging by the deck chair on the open porch with a book and a drink by the beach. You dream of lazing on soft queen-sized bed with fluffy sheets, catching up on the lost sleep amid the soothing lapping waves and cooling sea breeze.

While this post may sound incoherent, it demonstrates the multitude of feelings that is coursing through you. Nobody will understand what you are feeling and only through writing will you be able translate it into words. Things will get better. It always will.