Thursday, October 25, 2007
Been very busy lately...and I see that the rest of Oct and Nov will be the same as I struggle to the complete the writing of many papers with the conclusion of a major event tomorrow.
With almost 14 hr days being a norm, this event has sapped my mental capacity. So much so that I am surviving on gallons of coffee just to keep myself alert, besides chatting with my colleagues. An interesting thing which came out of this event was that the colleague sitting beside me happened to be the one who went on the same mountaineering expedition, attended the same Outward Bound School, same National Camp in 1996 with me when we were in the same uniform group. What a small world this is!!
Anyway, the aim of my post wasn't about the work. It's about a metaphor which I read about on a fellow blogger's site which I found thought-provoking and share here. So think about it..
叶子的离开, 是因为树不挽留, 还是风的追求?
如果我是那片叶子, 你, 又是什么?
我想, 你是棵大树.
坐得正, 站得直, 毅力不倒,
还有,你身旁有好多叶子..
我又是什么?
我只是需要你一片叶子..
如果你选择放弃, 默不关心,
毫不挽留, 我又何去何从?
如果我随风而去, 你又会在哪里?
风
吹走了孤单
吹走了固执
吹走了脆弱
吹走了依赖
吹走了我这一片叶子..Labels: Random Thots
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Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Being hunkered down with no contact with the world for a full day, everyday for the week has been my sole relief from thinking about her...sometimes I do wonder whether if it's all pre-planned by our dear friends up there; when you are down and out, a pre-planned organisational event enabling you to get back on even keel again.
During these few hectic days, I have been holding discussions, developing new processes and understanding how things are being done..so much so that I am barely awake when I reach home.
But if you ask me whether I still think about it, I would be lying if I say no.In fact, it is during nights like this that I will think about it; what went wrong, what did I do, etc...A friend once mentioned that one should keep only the good memories and chuck away the bad ones.
Last night, a couple of primary school friends had a long discussion over wine at Oosh on matters of the heart, spanning our primary school crushes, our relationships, etc. I know they were trying to comfort me over what had happened..but don't worry, I am feeling better..
Nicole did ask me whether I blame Christina for causing all this hurt..seriously, I don't blame her. All of us entitled to our choice, no matter whether it's right or wrong..if it's wrong, we just learn from it and move on..if it's right, then we have reaped the pot of gold.
Anyway I am still glad that I have all my friends to fall back on when I am down and out. Even though they don't know one another, all of them have rallied together to provide me with the support and outlet to let it all out. It's with friends like them that I realise I have never walked alone.
Rest assured that if you need the listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a drinking buddy to accompany you, I will be there. For all of you were there for me once.Labels: Matters of the heart
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Sunday, October 14, 2007
I didn't notice you when we first met at a mutual friend's wedding.
It was in the car that we really started talking as I sent you home.
I am those who do not warm up to people easily.
Yet you broke that barrier.
After that first encounter, I moved on with my life.
It was during a random browsing in friendster that I found you again.
I plucked up the courage and sent you a message.
It was from there that we started talking; from friendster, followed by msn and later on, sms.
You asked me for help on learning AutoCad,
I skipped lunch and borrowed 2 textbooks for you.
On the pretext of passing you the books, we met up for the first time.
We had dinner at your favourite Sushi Tei.
We had plenty of fun and laughter.
This went on once a week, every week for a couple of months.
I once told you we are Thursday people, for we will always meet on Thursday.
And after dinner, we would go shopping till 2200.
Why 2200, I will always ask?
Because, that's the 1/2 price for the desserts at Menotti, you would say.
You will always take a photo of all the desserts you tried,
Which I always found weird, yet cute.
But the blissful and contented face will always show when you slowly finish it up.
That's something that will come to my mind every now and then, till now.
I remembered the model airplane you got for me,
After I gave you something which you had wanted since your uni days.
Till now, that plane is still sitting in the box unassembled,
For I do not want it to be discoloured and tainted with time,
Just like my memories of you.
I remembered once you had an awful headache,
But you still came out with me.
You could have rescheduled it for another time,
But you didn't want to disappoint me.
I didn't have any painkillers with me,
I stopped at a corner-store and bought you some.
We drove to Seletar dam to chat,
And you told me all about your ex-boyfriend and family issues.
On the outside you are a quirky and funny girl.
But inside, you are weighed down with the many responsibilities and burden.
I tried breaking through that shell and help you share the load.
But I couldn't break through it.
You subtlely hinted that you weren't ready for a relationship.
I understood and gave you space, hoping that we could work things out
But sometimes fate can be very cruel and mysterious
Out came another guy.
Someone whom you met randomly.
He became the one for you.
He broke through the inner shell and shared your burden.
Which I couldn't.
Now my heart is broken.
Which I thought I am already immuned to after so long.
Now I don't know when my heart will be ready to accept another one.
For after every heartbreak,
I will drown myself in work, to forget all those memories.
How long it takes,
I will never know.
It was the same for Sharon,
Because of her marriage,
I drowned myself in my work for more than a year.
My seniors and peers saw this.
They counselled me, told me to forget her.
Focus on your career, they say.
You have what it takes, to reach the sky
They spoke to the boss and packed me off to school under a scholarship.
I studied hard, I partied hard,
Just to forget her.
One day, she called me out of the blue.
That she was divorced.
I was surprised.
She was crying, when we met up for the first time in many years.
I stood by her, comforted her and encouraged her to follow her dream.
And she went on to fly with the nation's best.
When I asked her, she wasn't ready for another relationship.
And I drowned myself in my work for 6 mths.
Till I met you.
You made me a better officer and gentleman.
You improved my "Sesame Street" standard of English.
You made me drive in a more careful manner.
You improved my social grace.
You made me learnt to love another again.
Chris,
You were once my greatest hello.
Now you are my hardest goodbye.
P.S. Sab, Jac, FY, thanks for being there to console and comfort me. Really appreciated you gals standing by me during my darkest hours.
To the 2L2C guys, even though you won't see this, I just want to say thank you for your company at Bala last night, it is with your company that I know that I won't walk this journey alone.Labels: Matters of the heart
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Saturday, October 06, 2007
To be your greatest hello and hardest goodbye..
Guess I have not been updating on what' I have been up to for a while..
It's been a whirlwind ever since I came back from my 1-month honeymoon in the School (read: on course). I think I am still suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome, a syndrome which is normally associated to too much food, slacking and going home earlier than you do when you are working..haha...
Once I came back to office, I was whisked off to participate an exercise together with its associated prep training, leaving me tired and moody..guess breathing too much of the recycled air can be hazardous to both the physical and mental health..
Work aside, as much as I want to go out with Chris, it seems like her father is still unwell and she is resolved to spend more time with her family. I guess it has reached a stalemate...but what's new..it's has been the feature in almost all the relationships I've been through..and I can just see it coming..somehow it's like the beginning of the end...
An end which can numbed by pouring in all the soul and energy into my work....
Sometimes it is hard to find someone who can be your greatest hello and hardest goodbye for life..Labels: Matters of the heart
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