Sunday, February 26, 2012
Whether it is fate or what, I never expect that I would bump into her at our regular drinking joint. In fact, when I reached the place, I thought I saw someone resembling her, but I just brushed it off.
It was only towards the end when both the ex-boyfriend and me were going to the gents that I realised they were there all along. Well, I just stopped over at their table and exchanged a few words before going back to my table. When I told my long-time friend about it, she wanted to see for herself the girl who caused me a lot of emotional stress.
My friend knew about the background, albeit not all and I felt apprehensive when she said she wanted to see the girl for herself. I felt I was giving her the impression that I am out to spite her; that I can easily get another girl even without her - and I felt like a jerk.
After making the introductions, exchanging a few words and leaving, my friend commented that the way she looked at me is different from what a normal friend would. But what she knew for sure was that she had some feelings for me.
Sighz... Labels: Matters of the heart
>
0 comments
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
It's stupid of me, that I am wasting my youth on a love which may never be reciprocated. Never since S has a girl captivated me for so long..not even J or SS. You are who I am looking for, someone intelluctual enough which I can hold a conversation with, someone sweet and caring enough to pamper me when I need it, someone who allowed me really laugh whole-heartedly without any form of pretence.
她不爱我，但是她还是赢走了我的心.
But please do not deny me the chance of loving you. What mattered most
was that knowing that the love was mine to give, without strings or expectations...
Labels: Matters of the heart
>
0 comments
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Finally done up her birthday present which I promised myself to make for her after she celebrated my birthday last year.
If things didn't go downhill back then, we would had been celebrating her birthday this coming week. Even though we won't be celebrating, I will still be shipping it over to her place.
What a loser I am..
Happy Birthday, V!!
Labels: Matters of the heart
>
0 comments
Monday, February 13, 2012
The type of girl I am looking for..
I often get asked what type of girl I am looking for. Well, here goes;
1. Sweet
2. Caring
3. Understanding of my need for freedom.
4. Tolerant of my flippant attitude.
5. Emotionally stable so I know she can take care of herself when I am not around.
6. Wait for me for up to 2 years while I pursue the dream of flying.
7. Be direct and frank with me.
Will add on more when I can think of it.Labels: Matters of the heart
>
0 comments
Sunday, February 05, 2012
You are who you attract..
Had a chat with my Financial Planner yesterday to review my portfolio and do some financial planning for my eventual exit from the organisation. The past 10 years of scrimping, saving and prudent investments have done me some justice. Based on our calculations yesterday, I have sufficient savings to tide me through the entire SIA pilot training stint.
Phewz..
But its on the pretext I am not married within these few years. Even if I get married, it will only be ROM and staying at the future wife's place till I complete the training. A guy's focus has to be still on the career and I am certainly not going to let a relationship deny me of a shot of being a pilot.
I am glad that my Planner knocked some sense into my head by sharing some anecdotes and helping me to realise my shortcomings. At the end of the day, she is right; I am who I attract. While I have achieved some success in my career, become a mentally tougher person and somebody who is passionate about the things I believe, I still cannot keep my pride, ego and emotions in check.
People were attracted to me because of my passion and always optimistic outlook in life. That's what make her become attracted to me. My optimistic outlook coupled with mental toughness was what she appreciated when she often confide her problems to me.
However, its because of my pride, ego and emotions that keeps people away from me. For friends who have known me at a deeper level, I can get egoistic and emotional at times. Its exactly because of my ego and emotions that I lost a potential partner.
On a deeper level, why did my ego and emotions caused me my potential partner?
When I started off with her, I was bent on helping her to get out of the rut in her life. I shared her emotional baggage and it drained me whole. It was so bad that my pride was dented and became emotionally hurt when she did not show any signs of improvement. I made it worst when I became too direct and arrognant by dispensing advice in a "Take it or Leave it" tone.
That irked her off and eventually caused her to shut herself away from me. I became so emotional over this episode that, if you have read my previous posts, was so sullen and depressed. It affected my work and caused my friends plenty of worry and heartache. Now, when I reflect on these short-comings of mine, I am determined to keep my emotions and pride in check when it comes to handling of relationships.
Looking back, I am perhaps better off because she is still not emotionally mature enough for me and it would had affected our relationship if we gotten together. Even though I am mentally tough, I would still be emotionally drained by taking on her emotional baggage. What she needs is not what she wants and if she don't want to help herself out of the rut, she won't be emotionally stable.
In addition, my over-eagerness also caused me my relationship. Girls, like the rest of human beings are "fan-jian" by nature; when people are always there for them, they take it for granted. When its not there, they start to miss it. I am not sure whether she is the ONE, but if we are meant to be together, we will be. I just felt a sense of regret and pity that I did not handle this relationship properly.
But like I said, its a deviation of the path I am taking and it made me lose my focus of becoming a pilot for a while. So I am going to focus on that and be more aloof at handling relationships, instead of being too eager. At the end of the day, if I become more happy, focused, keep my emotions in check, I will attract the girls I wish to attract.
Labels: Matters of the heart
>
0 comments