In between the school assignment and work responsibilities, you have been putting in some effort towards the up-keep of a healthy lifestyle. From running at the school gym after a weekend of studying to cutting down on the food intake, you are doing it with one thing in mind; to get yourself back into shape.

Perhaps the fact that you are subjected to the annual military physical fitness requirement does help in the maintenance of a healthy lifestyle. But you also realise that the body isn't as fit as it used to be. In fact, your heart seems as if its going to explode if you push towards a sub-6 per kilometer pace. The weights seems to be heavier and the body aches after what used to a standard routine.

Its no wonder when experts say that it takes a long time to get into a fit shape but only a short time lose what's been built up painfully. But nonetheless, the endorphin and rivulets of perspiration released from the exercise makes you feel better. Hopefully, it would also be sufficient for the physical fitness exam this week.  

How would you feel when you see them walking past you and chatting happily without even being noticed or acknowledged?

To say that it doesn't hurt is definitely lying.

But you know that it's a necessary trade-off in order to preserve the sanctity of their union. You have to remind yourself that you are history and should stop living in their shadows and the past for there's so much to look forward to in the future. 

But that courage to face up to the glaring facts is missing; that you have been relegated, that when things get frustrating and tiring, you are not the person she will look for to get all the TLC she needs. Besides, who are you even to provide her all these, when she has the best?

Lack of Courage. Coming from someone who have escaped the arms of Grim Reaper several times during the flying stints, it can be a joke.

There will always be an addendum to a memory which caused so much grief and remind you why it still hurts. It has been the exact date to a year since you last watched her cross the border to her customary marriage. 

How has the one year been? Stable with nothing much to worry about less the financial aspects which every couple has to deal with? You won't know and will never know for everything is kept under wraps like the way she prefers it.

As for you, life has not changed much.  

What do you do when you can't sleep at this hour?

You optimise the time you have by doing your school assignment. Dreaded as it can be, you know that you are just closer to clearing 3 out of the total 4 assignments for this semester. Like fighting a protracted war, you would have to fight each battle at a time with the final end in mind. 

The going has been tough and there have been times where you never felt so alone and down as you spent weeknights attending classes and weekends catching up on your studies. At times like this, you ask yourself what you have gotten yourself into. But you know that at the end of it, you would be equipped with a skill which comes in handy if the flying option doesn't work out.

Oh well, enough of the whining, time to head on back to fight the battle of assignment.

Times have changed when you sitting in front of the computer on a Saturday evening surfing for fuss-15-minutes-to-prepare healthy breakfast recipes for the week ahead and shopping for foodstuff on a Sunday morning.

With the annual window for physical fitness exam ending soon, you figured that injury or not, you got to lose some weight and get the body into ship-shape condition. Indeed, you have started to drag the body back to the gym and beat it back to shape (Even though round is considered a shape as you visualise J saying that). 

The effects of not visiting the gym for the past few months was quite evident. Your breathing is more laboured, your heart rate goes up to 184 bpm as you run a 5:45 pace. The body aches from lack of physical abuse and the mind feels lethargic from a lack of exercise. But you feel a sense of satisfaction as the perspiration drips off the body after pumping iron and pounding the threadmill.

Despite the pain from all the dormant muscles, you know that its part and parcel of getting yourself back on track to the physique you once had. Besides, working out allows you vent off all the stress and frustrations of many things that bothers you. As Sir Winston Churchill once said: "We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out."

But doesn't unsaid words lead to many assumptions? Sometimes you rather hear the truth, no matter how painful it may be than be lead on a merry go-round. Perhaps, people worry about your feelings but does it matter when it has already been broken and numbed?  

As you squeezed your way on the train to work this morning, you chanced upon an article detailing 黄晓明 has just gotten married in style with his beau. Whilst it's nothing to be wow about as it's just another star getting that media coverage, it reminded you of a story someone mentioned to you.

The story is called - 有一种感情叫“赵薇黄晓明” 

Your relationship status has been transformed to something similar. "未必非要在一起，就像这样，以朋友的身份，深爱，不占有，不分手，带着遗憾的结局才算完美，才算永恒还是好朋友，比爱人长久，不能牵的手握在心头".

Indeed, the furthest distance is that she is now married and you are not the groom. But no matter what, you still have a soft spot for her and when things go awry, you will be there, no matter how far the journey nor sick you are.

A catch-up with friends after a long hiatus brought back many memories of the times spent in the mountains and how life since then has transformed each and everybody's life. But one thing that doesn't change was the times spent up in the mountains was something which everybody in the team treasured.

As the movie scenes traced the difficult route which you had once traversed through, you could not help but let out a quiet smile at the memories it brought back. The difficult journey, the breath-taking views, the quiet nights talking with J under the starlit night and the sleepless night she spent making sure you were still alive as you fought the effects of attitude sickness. 

Looking back at your own photos, you missed those times up in the mountains where everything was so simple and the view was all that kept you walking. It was also led on to something very beautiful, which you still treasure to this day. If only you can go back and start all over again, you would....and give her the security and assurance she needs.

You miss her so much....

如命懸十秒以內, 我想你在
如若忘掉你 呼吸不再
如突然害怕怯懦, 記得我在
如沒淪陷過, 不懂所愛
從未能遇上替代, 各種意外
誰倖存度過, 該懂怎愛

Once a distance is created between two parties and no effort is taken to close the gap, it will just widen until one is dropped off the person's list. Out of sight, out of mind is an apt quote here. Try as you might to close the gap, you know that the gulf is widening. You give yourself excuses that its because both of you are busy and don't want to complicate things other more important things have to take precedence. 

Perhaps it's because of your expectations. You value relationships above everything else and if a particular relationship means alot to you, you will do your utmost to upkeep it. In every relationship, it takes two hands to clap and its often the case where one is always the giver and the other is the receiver. You tend be the giver and would never had any qualms going over and beyond what's necessary.You would also expect the other party to do the same. But what if the other party don't reciprocate? 

Unfortunately, life is as such and that you have to live with the fact that one day you would be prioritised out of somebody's life just because of your place in their pecking order or your usefulness to them. But it's something that you are starting to live with.

You have to be cognisant of the fact that things change and with it, relationships changes, whether for the better or worse. So you have to manage your own expectations, lower it to reduce the disappointments and know that anything else is a bonus. At the end of the day, 只要你为大局着想，众亲家也高兴， 区区一点委屈， 也算不了什么..

You are the epitome of the saying; "Live to eat" with the frequent food cravings. What used to be weekly Sunday sessions at your usual German bierhaus drinking beer and munching on sausages with a book has been replaced by cheaper alternative of studying in school with plain water and light snacks. Indeed, you are more cost conscious these days for you have to watch the wallet and the weight. 

That's why you enjoyed your two weeks of service to the nation for you have managed to squirreled away much money as you enjoyed the free breakfast, lunch and dinner. As you head on back to work tomorrow, you are going to maintain your financial prudence. 

Either you are packing your own healthy breakfast of grains with yogurt and a daily recipe of hot dish or you are packing the previous night leftover dinner. Coupled with the freshly brewed coffee, the large portions are often sufficient to keep you going till late afternoon when the stomach beckons for your attention. 

You are also starting to master the art of grocery shopping as you hunt for cheap deals which allows you to prepare a quick 15 minute breakfast given your habit for lazing on the bed. Hopefully with such financial prudence you would be able to scrimp and save enough for the house and car.

Three quarters of the year has passed by in a blink of an eye.

Bit by bit, life is robbing you of the opportunities which you once had. Perhaps it's a sign from the powers to be. As you sat down with a cup of aromatic coffee, you looked back at the past with regrets and refined your 5 year plan with trepidation. The foremost thoughts on your mind could be broken down into the 3 main areas; Career, Housing & Transport.

You are still going to keep trying for the carriers and find means to clock some flying hours to stay current. It may be an uphill task but definitely not insurmountable if you try hard enough. During your past week, you have drawn feedback from friends within the flying community on the options available and it's worth considering even if head across the border to do so. Flying has become a part of your life for you have nothing much left to look forward to.

At your age, it's time to be more independent and find a new abode for yourself. This new abode would be your safe harbour from nature's elements, your fortress from enemy attacks, your laboratory for developing new dishes, a place where you can recharge after a hard day of work. With the monthly savings set in motion, you hope that it would be sufficient for you to set up your abode by next year's end.

You don't need a condominium in order to prove any point for you are contented with a decent resale public housing with amenities and paid for without any loans (less the housing loan) taken. You are getting adverse to loans these days, preferring to keep more cash in hand for investments. While the desired outcome would be that of building a new nest with a significant other, it won't be happening for quite a while for the heart is still in agony. You are such a contradictory soul; You are free spirit and hates being tied down yet you yearn for a soul mate willing to see the world with you.

Ok, you have digressed.

On transport, you are getting an itchy backside and starting to look at the POV replacement plan. While time is needed to save up for this expensive endeavour, it's always good to start early. You once mentioned that a take home pay of more than $5k is needed before you can even start considering the purchase of a POV. Having bought a brand new POV before, you know that the hidden costs would bleed you dry if there's no proper planning. 

Now that you have a 2 year head start, its opportune to do some forward planning in the areas of season parking, maintenance, insurance, road tax and petrol. Only by amortising it over a 12 month period would you be able to determine the exact monthly requirements.Would it be a new or pre-owned POV? As of now, you are not sure. But you have selected the preferred brand and model and would be working towards it.

Enough of the 5 year plan. Time to fight the war of assignments.  

As the boots and uniform returned to the cupboard, you start the process of re-calibration back to that of a private citizen. Despite starting before sunrise and ending long after the sun is down for the past weeks, your rusty competencies have been honed and sharpened.

While the mental strain has left you exhausted at the end of each day, being among fellow warriors filled with a common purpose has made you feel at home even though you were no longer a full-time member of the organisation.

As the auto-pilot brought the exhausted mind home, the mind drifted off to a short getaway with J. It can be in-country, at some boutique motel or far flung resort, anywhere which would allow both of you to catch up the lost time of the past 2 weeks. It can be as simple as cuddling together watching a movie with pizza and a bottle of champagne.

Once again, you have drifted into the other dimension where both of you are enjoying the bliss of marital life. Sometimes you wonder, How could something so right, so electric, so passionate and so raw just not work out? You’ll never get it, and you will always be sad both of you never had a chance.