Friday nights. What used to be a night of Happy Hour at the Officer Mess followed by time spent with J or hitting other drinking joints have now been relegated to munching on crisps and reading books. You wonder what the hell you are doing at home on a Friday night when you should be out painting the town red.

Perhaps you are not accustomed to spending time by yourself. You look at phone every now and then, willing for it to beep indicating a text message from her, asking you out. Oh, how foolish can you be? Things change. You are better off getting back to your loner mode days, one where you read your novel or study over coffee, sit at the bar counter at Paulaner's sipping a bier (just one these days as you are reminded of the "horrors" of drinking too much bier) and munching sausages, hitting the tarmac or gym on weekdays where you can have the place all to yourself.

Despite the often portrayed extroverted persona, you are in fact a loner. You tend to do things by yourself even though you have no problem working as a team. You are still your own worst critic. You are still a stubborn and passionate person, even though its the same, depending on how you look at it. You are also an explorer, always up for an adventure, always seeking enlightenment. Someone also once mentioned that you are a crazily romantic person, even though you are not sure about it.

So that's how you have spent your Friday or maybe a prelude to how Fridays would be spent henceforth. Happy Halloween.

Obviously when you wake up in the middle of the night at 3am and can't sleep no more, writing becomes an outlet to make yourself tired again. Your thoughts suddenly turns to her again, wondering how she is doing these days; whether she is getting enough sleep or engrossed in that novel. And you marvel at how one can get engrossed on reading till you are past your bedtime or even forget your meals.

Reading is a form of escape; An escape from the harsh realities of life. Reading allows you to immerse yourself in the portrayed characters, allows you to see places which you never knew existed or without the necessary means to go. Through reading, you also dream, dream that you are one of the characters, hoping that it will someday become a reality. True enough, a famous author once said "We dream to give ourselves hope. To stop dreaming - well, that’s like saying you can never change your fate."

Yet there are people who dream and wait for the night to end, who long for the light so they can hold the ones they love. You are one of them. You relish the days where you wake up with her by your side, her head on your chest, rising and ebbing with your every breath, her legs entangled with yours. By a product of your military training, you tend to wake up earlier than her. Afraid that your sudden movement will wake her up, you just lie on the bed and watch her, soaking in the moment.

Despite her messy hair (which you find sexy and cute), that lost look when she wakes up rubbing her eyes, you give her a big smile and plant a kiss on her forehead, hugging her back to sleep. The contented smile emanating from her face reaffirms that you are the most lucky person on Earth and also gives you the strength to fight the Z-monster if it so decides to spoil her beautiful sleep.

You hope you can live in this moment forever for it's the most pure and beautiful part of love that you have ever dream of. Yet this dream is crushing because it won't happen anymore. Sometimes it's the simple dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You're always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold and it's enough to break your heart.

Now you just immerse yourself in the books to escape from the harsh realities of life, hoping that one day it will become reality. Bon Nuit.

It's raining again, which is typical for this time of the year due to the onset of the North East monsoon. It's as if the rain is here to wash away all the bad memories of the past so that you can start afresh in the new year. Despite this philosophical thought, your naive mind wonders how J is going to go home in the rain? Maybe the sheltered walkway will keep her dry as she goes home. But you definitely miss the times sharing an umbrella to your car and finding a place to have a warm and soupy dinner to beat off the cold.

Speaking of dinner, I notice these days that friends from the Services seem to be getting a kick out of cooking and surprisingly, majority of them are guys. Not that my female friends ain't cooking, but given that the kitchen is their domain, it is pretty much a given. 

From a simple Continental-style breakfast of toast, bacon and scrambled eggs to the complex Steak and chips (slurps) plus hairy crabs combination, most of my guy friends are taking to the frying pan (Not to defend themselves from the wife, of course). The often given reason? To surprise their wife (yes, they are married) or just to let them take a break from the hassles of cooking. I have even seen 3-course meals complete with soup that's worthy of their mother's standard being cooked for the entire family. But instead of going through all these hassles, why not take the wife out for a good meal instead? 

Well, when expenses are pretty tight and eating out is expensive, eating in is definitely the "in" thing. What more to make the wife happy make your life easier than to let her relax and cook a meal from the heart? Even though the food may not be up to the expectations of the more culinary-inclined spouse, I guess it's the thought that counts.

Having been ensconced in mommy's cooking (like me) since young, these guys have never even stepped into the kitchen before they got married, . But once married, they try to make the effort to cook once in a while, by referring to Google or Call-a-Cook (aka mother) for recipes. Those who have stayed overseas for an extended period are also adept at finding their way around the kitchen given that eating out on a daily basis can be expensive on a student budget. What better to save the money to explore the country than to eat out?

Sometimes I wonder whether I will be up to the task of cooking for my other half, since cooking for own survival is different from cooking for your other half. I guess it's takes a lot from your partner to eat the food which you have cooked. Thus I wonder how J managed to tolerate the my home-made breakfasts and dinners given her penchant for food. Looking back, I guess she has been very kind with her criticisms comments. 

Oh well, at least she doesn't have to put up with my cooking anymore. Lucky her.

It's another of those quiet night where you slowly sip your wine and read your book. In between that, you contemplate about everything, how you have come so far and how many bad decisions you have made in your life.

You are happy to be blessed with a bunch of good friends ranging from primary school all the way to university and even from the workplace. They have stood by you during your darkest moments, kicking your butt and giving you the encouragement when you needed it. You are also glad to have pursued your dream of flight and came back triumphant with a pilot's licence. 

While you look back at 32 years of your life, there have been several regrets and setbacks. 

1. You went through the local route to complete your university education even though you qualify for those prestigious overseas universities with your good polytechnic grades. The route was tough but as J once mentioned, it made you a tougher person, one who can weather the storms better. If I had taken the "easy" way by going overseas, perhaps I wouldn't had been able to withstand the turbulence of society.

2. You did well serving your country yet you dropped everything to pursue your dream of flight. You still wonder whether it was a good decision given everything is going well for you; a promotion in rank, a sponsorship to study Masters overseas, J and a good career. But it's a case of damn-if-I-do, damn-if-I-don't situation. If you don't pursue your dream of flight, you know that you will live with regrets. But if you do it, you lose the girl you love deeply, your career and everything. Sometimes I still wonder whether I made the right decision.

3. Contrary to s/n 2, you miss flying and the wild blue yonder. You look up at the beautiful skies everyday, yearning to head back up. The blue skies up there and on the ground is totally different if you ask any pilot. You wonder if your passion for flight will ever diminish for as long as you don't get to fly, you ain't living your dream. A pilot who doesn't fly is as good as not being a pilot at all.

Besides the setbacks, you feel that there's a missing jigsaw puzzle in your life. You feel that your life is still not complete. The missing jigsaw puzzle which you thought was the perfect fit wasn't meant to be. It has decided to fit into another person's jigsaw puzzle. You continue to miss her tremendously and at quiet nights like this, you look towards the heavens, at the moon when you miss her, like you once told her before leaving overseas for your flight training.

As much as you yearn for her, her jokes and everything about her, you have to stop. Now that she has fit herself into another person's jigsaw puzzle, your only source of comfort is knowing that she will be happy. And that you, you will continue to carry the memories of the happy times spent for it's no longer morally right for her to carry it. Je Taime J....  

The top 10 things that you wanted to do with her:

1. Make breakfast for her and buy her coffee every morning.

2. Make dinner and pack it so that you can have it by the beach while watching the sunset.

3. Go for long walks and chat about anything, everything.

4. Impromptu breakfast in the bed on lazy Sundays.

5. Cooking up a storm together when we are not working and fighting over who should do the clean-up later.

6. Weekend gym/long runs followed by calorie-justified breakfast and reading the afternoon away at Starbucks.

7. Drive her crazy with anti-OCD tricks.

8. Topping up her Gummy bear rations when it's running low.

9. Slipping little notes into her handbag/wallet to give her surprises.

The last and most important of all;

10. Explore unknown places together and create new memories.

You went on a detour, finding a cool and quiet (somewhat) place to reflect over the state of things that's happening in your life these days. Similar to the recent Occupy Central movement that's happening in Hong Kong, she has occupied your thoughts these days, apart from the constant worrying over the lack of news over the job applications.

You know that the job will come as it's just a matter of time before they start calling you up for interviews. You have faith that the experience accumulated while in the Organisation would be of use in the private sector. Hence, you ain't worried at all. All you need to do is to work out a schedule to juggle between the exercise, the studying and the job hunts plus the discipline to follow it to the T.

What occupy your thoughts most is of her. You know that she is able to take care of herself, yet you still want to take care of her, be there for her even when you know that there's a better person for this. In fact, it's wrong to even do that. Perhaps, it's born of the old mindset that when a man loves a woman, he wants a piece of her that he can call his own. 

It ain't about her body, but her mind; The way she thinks, feels, her likes and dislikes and things that matters to her. These little parts become part of you, has changed you, the way you think and the way you view the world. It makes you think more instead doing things on impulse which you are always prone to. All your considerations and forward planning takes into account of her feelings. It also makes you realise that you have given up a little part of yourself just to make room for pieces of her. 

No matter how you suppress your own thoughts, it continues to bubble up to the surface, like an uncorked bottle of champagne. You feel like escaping, dropping everything and escape to the wild blue yonder. Yes, the wild blue yonder where you can traverse the limitless sky, those rolling vistas of light and shade where the brilliance of the sun touches the towering cloud massifs. A place where you are suspended in time and space, far above the grubby and brutal world below. 

But no, escape is not the solution. In the sky, all responsibilities goes to the Captain. The crew, the passengers and their family lives are held by him. No matter how bad the storm may be, you still have to get through it. If you get hit by turbulence and run away, you have no right to be the Captain. You will be the Captain of your own fate, your own destiny. You will face it with a grin on your face, bite the bullet, even though a part of you has already died, and trudge through the boulevard of broken dreams.

No matter how deep you love her and how you wish for a fairy tale "happy-ever-after" ending, you are not her chosen one. He is the One, one who promises to love her, honour her, comfort her and keep her in sickness and in health and to be faithful so long as both of them shall live. She has moved on, will have a beautiful life worthy of great novels, with a beautiful home of her dream design, a car where she would be able to explore the places which you have always wanted to bring her to, happy and well-rounded children where they get to see their grandparents both here and across the border when time permits.

Despite the sad feelings coursing through you, at least you know that she is happy and glowing with radiance like any newly weds. You know that you have hurt her enough, made her shed so much tears to fill a river and no longer worthy of her love. To see her so happy now is a consolation for you. As for you, you are nobody special but a common man with common thoughts and have led a common life. You are just a passing phase in her life which will soon be forgotten. No monuments would be dedicated to you and your name will soon be forgotten, but at at least you have had the courage to have loved another with all your heart and soul, and that has always been enough. 

星期六早上的你是不是又在躺在床上偷懒呢？

The times where both of you will wake up at ungodly hours during the weekends and head out to the gym or runs. The aroma of coffee in the car keeping both awake as you joked about random matters. With the healthy part of the day completed, you will go on food haunts to ensure that the calories which are worked off are fruitfully replenished. A place to chill and while away the day reading books or magazines is both of your favourite pastime. That's how both of you like to spend the weekends, lazing away.

Now you just do it on your own, the empty sofa next to you a memory of yesterday. You are blessed to have a bunch of friends who constantly checks on you to make sure you are coping well. Like what some of them had said, you just have to talk it out to feel better for the more you keep it in and suppress it, the worse you are going to feel.

Despite all their concerns, some things are just up to you. The feelings which you have to face on your own even though you have their unwavering support. On an impulse, you went on a long drive to clear you mind, one which you always done. Yet, during the long drive the thoughts of her pops out again; how your hand use to find hers while deftly navigating the roads and how the scenery becomes much more beautiful when you are together. As you drive, it seems like you always end up at the same place; the place where you use to kiss and hug each other goodbye, the place where her face lights up at the smell of coffee, the place where it all began.

There you sat, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, the clock just ticking away as you gripped the steering wheel, all the memories and emotions welling up. Emotions, which only a selected few have really witnessed. One which you don't display in front of your family for it's where it must be held in check, where your own feelings are left unsaid, where the irony of the situation and diffidence deflects too much interest in what might be felt within, where your instinctive politeness often masked what the folks thought. It hold us back from getting into un-necessary trouble but it has also suppressed our plain speaking ability and saying what's on our mind, which only a few can comprehend.

You have constantly been reminded that you are a foolish person for missing her so much. But isn't love a foolish one? Love gives us many moods; too foolish, too blind, too passionate, too crazy. It's never agreeable nor benign, always a malignant force, exposing weakness, testing the spirit, frustrating the signs of men, hostile and impartial. Yet, many thoughts, which won't be mentioned here, ran through your mind. You sat there for almost an hour, doing your best to frame the thoughts, the what-ifs, the future. But what's the use? There will never be a resolution.

But one thing is for sure; Love before its too late.

It's been a week and you wonder how married life is treating her. Is it life as normal? Is it full of surprises and sweet-nothings? Hopefully it's the latter as it's the time of marital bliss.

You wish to know more, but you know that she will never divulge how she is living her private life. That's how she has lived her life, wearing a suit of armour and putting on a poker face to keep her fears and vulnerabilities from anyone.The only times where the armour and poker face is removed completely is when you are together. For you trust each other with your vulnerabilities, fully aware that you are each other's pillar of strength during difficult times. 

Even though you can't be each other's pillar of strength anymore, you will continue to cheer each other on silently, hoping that each other can pick up each other's telepathic signals. You ask mutual friends to keep a lookout for her and to guide her so that she can stay out of trouble or better still, the troubles which seems to favor her, stays far away. You said that you have to be cruel in order to be kind, to allow each other to focus on their next chapter of their lives. But you wonder whether you are being cruel to yourself at the same time.

You know that you still miss her. Your thoughts still run wild at times when the night is quiet. You know that you shouldn't had let her go, for if you love someone, you should continue to fight for her. You know that her ROM must have been filed by now so they can get the hustle of marriage out of the way in order to focus on their new life together. Yet you are afraid. Afraid of the repercussions she would face with the family and friends. Afraid that you will break them up. Afraid that you will not be able to make her happy.

Try as you might to force all these thoughts of her into a deep, dark compartment of your memory bank, it keeps oozing out like a squeezed tube of toothpaste. You still have those sleepless nights, tossing and turning in your bed, no matter how you exhausted you make yourself with the vigorous exercise regimes, long runs and plenty of the grapes. Sometimes you think that it's like out of the storybooks; boy meets girl, together they fall in love. But girl is already engaged. Now girl is already married. End of story. You have lived on borrowed time and like great warriors of the old, there's only two outcomes, either you live to tell the tale many years down the road or you get killed, it's as simple as that. 

You have been killed. The story has ended. No doubt you miss her, yet you know you cannot check on her anymore. So every time you miss her, you post an entry or in your journal, hoping that writing can bring you out of the misery as soon as possible. And at the same time, hope and pray that she is coping well, for given the chance, you will do anything in your ability to defend her way of life.

In this quiet place
The words wither away
Like a flower that dies
There's nothing left to say

You tell yourself you're fine
But inside you despise your quiet lies
There's no way to disguise what's in your eyes
The tears that are streaming

And how can you explain?
When no one understands a word you say
And everything that's left will fade to grey
And lose all its meaning
What to say

And these are silent times
We hide it all away
There's nothing left but space
There's nothing left to save

Silence is all you've left behind
Its only purpose to remind
Of the times I can't rewind
There's nothing left to save

Words only break your heart again
Too late to ever make amends
Lost all your faith and confidence
There's nothing left to say

After downloading the instrument charts for Changi Airport to get myself familiarised on the approach and departure templates for our own airport, I realised how rusty my theoretical knowledge has become. It frightens me as one day I may pilot a jet into this airport. It also made me realise that a pilot's skill is perishable and that if not kept current, it will have serious repercussions. Thus, I will have to go back to basics, i.e, read my Jepp books and my own notes again to get my knowledge up to speed. 

As for the flying portion, the time will come when I regain my currency again. I should seriously look at converting my US licence to Singapore licence so I do not have to go back US for currency flying. Of course, money will always be an issue but if I am careful with my finances, perhaps I can fly once in a while. And nope, I won't take any passengers up in the little propeller plane for it's solely reserved for J, whom I once promised that she would be the first person I would bring with when I obtain my flying licence.

To add on to the flying theme which this post is all about (of course, missing J has been part and parcel of my life these days), a phrase from the re-run of 冲上云霄2 caught my eyes; "Love is like snow. It’s pretty but it melts quickly. Friendship is different. It’s like soil. Soil allows a seedling to grow into a big tree, and then a forest. It can stand hundreds and thousands of years. So which is more important? Love or friendship?"

While I am not as suave as the actor who said that, I am not sure how I should interpret the feelings coursing through my heart and mind when I heard it. If many of you have noticed, I have been writing quite frequently these few days. Writing is a way of allowing me to get over J. J used to tell me that friendship is more important than love. Even though she mentioned that if we can't become lovers, we can always be friends, I am not so sure about that. When I asked guys and girls for their take, no one could give me a coherent answer. It all depends on how far and the strength of the bonds are formed in the relationship, most of them mentioned. 

Perhaps when eons have passed and both of us are happily married with our own family will I have an answer. But that brings about another question which I don't have an answer to; Will I get married for the sake of getting married even if my heart has already been given to J?

Saw this online and thought that it was interesting enough to share here...

1. They act the same way around you as they do around their friends.

4. They don’t freak out if you don’t text them in x amount of hours, because they feel solid and confident in what you have together.

5. But they also know that if they miss you, it’s their onus to text — or better yet, call — and say hi… while not overstepping boundaries and bombarding you with messages (especially if you’re in a meeting).

6. They remember little random things like the fact that you’re in a meeting to begin with, even if you only mentioned it in passing and not so that they knew, but rather because you were venting about your stress level or something only marginally related.

7. Flowers for no reason other than “just because.” 

8. They respect your right to personal space, especially when you need your alone time or to cool down from an argument you both had.

9. The apology they give you (if they were honestly in the wrong) is sincere, and not a half-assed attempt to get you off their back. (But also, when you actually love them, chances are good you won’t be relentlessly reminding them hardcore about how much they messed up, anyway.)

10. They ask before they steal a fry off your plate, but don’t hold it against you when you forget to ask and steal one off of theirs.

11. If some big opportunity arises in your life and they’re not entirely okay with it because it’d uproot both your lives, they’ll actively work to see if there’s some happy medium so that you both can get what you want. This is called a compromise. (And if something huge happens in their life, they consult with you before uprooting your world, too.)

12. They do the chores they know you hate so that you don’t have to do it (even if they hate it, too).

13. They respect when your opinion is unwaveringly different from theirs, and don’t press the issue as to why they’re right and you’re wrong.

14. They don’t judge you for that one verging-on-the-insane obsession they don’t share. (But like, there are limits. Don’t expect someone who loves you to understand why you’d be a stalker.)

15. They’re more concerned about how comfortable you are than they are about how you’re stealing the covers.

16. They know that sometimes, it’s the little moments of affection — all the hands held under the table, the inside jokes and glances that nobody else will notice — that matter most.

17. They’re not ashamed to kiss and hug you in public.

18. They’ll share the last bite of something, whether they’re full or you just really want to try it at the last minute.

19. They’re more ready to do something for you than they will ask something from you.

20. For your birthday, they’ll never let it stand that you say you “don’t want anything” or that you don’t want them “to make a big deal” — they’ll do something special for you anyway.

21. They will continually listen to you about work, family and friend issues, but will push you to make the relationship right, because sometimes just agreeing with you is not in your best interests. (But on the rare occasion when you just really need to vent, they will let you but they will know it’s not their place to join in.)

22. They don’t burden you if they’re in a really bad situation or mood, but also trust you enough to let you know what’s gnawing on them and to let you in if you show signs of wanting to carry that load with them.

23. They’re not afraid of saying they love you, the minute it overcomes them to say so. And whether it’s the first or thousandth (or ten thousandth) time it’s been said, no matter if it’s a shout or a whisper, it still sounds honest and sincere and like there’s no one else they’d ever rather say it to.

Where once she was the center of your life, you are no longer in that orbit and now hurtling aimlessly through space. To give yourself some resemblance of a trajectory, you keep yourself busy. You know that as long as you keep yourself occupied and tire yourself out, you won't think of her. 

You still continue to head to the gym to keep yourself in shape, even though a round shape is something you can't change. As you do your training, a scene flashes in front of your eyes and that brings a smile to your face; the times where you hovered around her like an attack helicopter, making sure she is not pushing herself beyond her limits, ensuring that she is drinking enough water. That scene disappears as you realise you have to focus. You add more weights and do more reps, pushing yourself to the brink of muscle exhaustion. The only time you stop is when the back starts to protest and worried about a slip disc, you decide to throw in the towel. 

Besides the exercise, you also put in extra energy in your job hunts, reading more books, keeping up with the assignments, exploring little nooks and crannies with your camera, all in the name of keeping yourself occupied. But there are times when your thoughts just drift to her.You wonder how she is doing and whether she is coping well. You remember the times where you used to text her in the mornings to get her day going and mid-morning texts to keep her going, which you cannot do anymore.

But you know that she will be able to cope without you nosing around, for it's in her "never-say-die" character to bulldoze all the challenges away. What you worry is that she will bottle everything to herself and not confide in anybody. All you can hope is that she will talk to her BFF or write in her journal in order to keep herself sane.

For now, keeping yourself occupied to fill the void which she once filled is what is necessary to prevent the thoughts from running wild. Hopefully time will help to get over her.

For the past few days, buddies and friends from the Service have dropped tools and rallied together to comfort and even to a certain extent, kick my butt to get me out of the rut. Their large dose of concern for a fellow warrior has humbled me for it is not easy given that they have to juggle their work and family commitments. Their wives have been understanding to my current sorry state for our community is a close-knit one and that I am part of the "family".

Despite all their care and concern, I cannot burden them with my problems for they can only help me for so long. It's a battle which I have to fight on my own. Displaying of emotions has always been seen as a form of weakness in the Service for we have been trained to be Above All in everything we do, down to our own personal life. That's why they have been very hard on me, chastising my actions with words that bordered on nasty. The close female friends of mine, on the other hand, have been empathising to my predicament yet kind enough to provide me with the comforting words that I need. Their carrot and stick approach is perhaps their subtle way of telling me that I am more worthy of other things. 

My heart still hurts and the eyes still mists up as I pass through places which we once explored plus the food haunts which we tried together. But just like what a senior from the Service once said; 人生没有绝对,了解放下,懂得放下, 面对放下。时间会冲淡一切. I hope that life will treat J better than me for being Mrs M and juggling work commitments at the same time is not easy. But I know she can do it for it's never in her character to quit. As for me, I will slowly walk the journey and find myself again.  

J got married today. Looking at the post and the video in the social media, I felt so happy for her. She looked so beautiful in wedding gown and the treatment she received is befitting of what deserved, with the luxurious Bentley (even though its not the BMW Z4 which she prefers).

As stupid and crazy I could be, I made a trip over to her place to catch a glimpse of her and to give my blessings..albeit from a distance away. She might not have noticed, but 小黑 managed to intercept the wedding convoy and "escorted" her all the way to Woodlands Checkpoint as a promise to accompany her till the last possible minute.

Seeing her blissful smile was the consolation I need as I peeled off from the convoy with a heavy heart. I know that he will take care of her whole-heartedly and unconditionally as they trudge into the sunset and write a new chapter of their life. The security and stability that he can provide is what she needs for her to pursue her dreams. Who am I, compared to him? I am just an un-employed pilot hoping to 冲上云霄 some day, who cannot provide the security and stability that she needs.

Our borrowed time has finally come to an end and as much as I have known the odds throughout this journey, words can never describe the sense of loss that I feel. As much as I tried to keep my emotions in check, I broke down in front of my friend whom I was catching up with this evening. She spent alot of her time trying to console me over so much drinks that I lost count. 

Perhaps it's a blessing in disguise for I know how much I meant to my friends. Their calls and words of consolation made me feel fortunate to have known them. But it's a battle which I myself have to fight, one which only time can heal the pain in my heart. 

宝贝, 一路走好，再见。。。我爱你。。。

When asked whether I believe in living for the moment or with the end in mind, I answered the latter. It reminded me of the advertisements by Sovil et Titus. Hence, trying to be a smart alec, I translated in my mind..天长地久 or 趁经拥有. I still believe in 天长地久.

As much as I would like our story to be 天长地久, all good things still have to come to an end. The ship is scheduled to leave the harbour on Friday and reach her homeport on Saturday. Even though the ship is torn between her head and her heart, the harbour knows that she is of a logical nature. The safety of the better equipped harbour and the future it holds is what she needs even though she is reluctant to go.

The harbour is reluctant to let her go, but go she must, for everything has been prepared at the homeport for her where all the pomp and ceremony awaits. The harbour cannot be selfish and keep her tethered to him for too much is at stake if she doesn't depart on time. No matter what, the harbour must be hard-hearted and put on a strong front so the ship can go on her journey happily for it's her joyous occasion.When the time comes, the tugboats will escort the ship out of the safety of the harbour and bade her farewell and blast their air horns to wish her luck for her long voyage. 

The harbour will sadly see her sail into the sunset until she disappears over the horizon before drinking in her honour of her joyous occasion. Soon, this little harbour will just be another memory for her, a place of safety where she once docked to escape the treacherous seas. For now, the harbour would be closed indefinitely for maintenance and upgrading.

故事再度漂流在十字街頭

J often tells me that I am a silly person for doing things which I shan't mention here. But I beg to differ. Sometimes you just have to stay crazy in order to feel alive and doing crazy things did make our relationship less monotonous and more fun loving.

For those who are accustomed to the meet-dinner-movie-coffee-go home (read:boring) couples, the things we do can border on really out of the norm. Some enlightened ones who have been through gazillions relationships and consider themselves experts may argue that we were in the honeymoon period and the things we do together are refreshing as we are still discovering each other. It will just fizzle away with time as the relationship settles into a monotonous stage. Again, I have to reiterate that a suitable amount of craziness is essential to keep the spark going and I definitely had intended to keep it that way.

While we weren't that crazy to stuff a rag into some poor sod's car tail-pipes (even though that thought did occur to me frequently) or shine a flashlight into a car window when the occupants are making out (we did talked about it but I do believe in karma), we did things that were out of the norm. The crazy things range from catching the sun rise at an ungodly hour to last minute staycations just to laze on a big bed without any interference from the family. But the ultimate craziest thing we did was to place the green peas in parade formation, complete with the parade commander, conducting warrants and the colour party. So much for occupational hazards.

Of course being so crazy has its flip side and all I can say we had a lot of emotional dramas which often fluctuates like the stock exchange. Typical of any dating couples, we had our fair share of jealousy-induced arguments, mood swings faster and more destructive than a Category 5 super typhoon. While it created many tears and broken hearts, I guessed it also strengthened our relationship and made for a lot of stories if we decide to grow old together.

And as written in an article which this post was inspired from: "Being a bit crazy yourself obviously has its benefits. Having a co-author who can add a little extra flavor of crazy-spice is likely to make for an even more enjoyable life story. The reason relationships are so great is that people get tired of keeping themselves entertained; we need others to help. Just as we need to entertain others in order to keep ourselves entertained. Finding the right partner in crime with just the right amount of crazy will be the difference between an amazing life and an average one.", she was my partner in crime and I was her entertainer. 

The day gets closer for the ship to cast off her lines for the journey back to her home-port. Tugboats are readied, their crews tuning the engines to milk out every pound of engine power to provide their best performance for the ship, the harbour is swept clean of any debris to prevent it from damaging the beautiful ship, flags are hung up to celebrate her journey and cannons are polished until they sparkle like diamonds.

Despite the joyous occasion, the mood of the crew is sombre. The emptiness of the soul, the inability of laughter and the heavy steps of the crew can be felt throughout the harbour as they set out to make the last minute arrangements for her journey. Yet all these feelings must stay hidden out of sight from the ship until she is out in the open waters for the harbour crew doesn't want the ship to see them sad. 

The harbour crew have reminded themselves of their final mission and that is ensure the seaworthiness of the ship and the happiness of those onboard. For as long as the ship is happy, nothing is more important anymore.

It has been a long weekend filled with sleepless nights which degenerated into an illness which confined me to the bed for a good one day. The breaking out of cold sweats, the vomiting, the constant tossing and turning on the bed was reminiscent of something that happened so long ago.

Being sick during a long weekend is such a pain because it deprives you of the ability to go out, have a cuppa or spend time with the special one. But the sensible part of you will know that rest is important yet the other part of you know that time is running out. The clock is ticking towards the beginning of the end, one whereby things will all change.

How will things pan out? I don't have the answer. But what do know is that everything happens for a reason and if it's meant to be, it will always have a way of getting back. For now, it's time for another bout of medication and warm water.

 

In the mystical land far away from our little red dot, there lies a deep water harbour. Sheltered from the worst of the elements that Mother Nature can conjure, the harbour was a safe respite for ships that decides to seek refuge. Guarding the entrance is a fortress island bristling with cannons to prevent pirates from taking the harbour.

Often, ships would sail in and seek refuge from Mother Nature's fury or stay for repairs, stock up and depart. Despite being a nice place for a home port, one would think that a lot of ships would call this harbour home. But the truth is, the harbour has never been attractive enough for any ship to dock there on a permanent basis. As much as the harbour hope for a ship to be home-ported there, it is cognisant of the fact that it can never compete with the big boys. But it's still happy that some ships decided to dock there for replenishment before setting off for something even better.

One fine day, a battered ship limped into the safety of the harbour. Despite protests from the fortress, the harbour decided to admit the ship because it was determined to fix it even though it was not well-equipped for the extent of repairs required. The harbour did it's best to keep the ship sea-worthy with plenty of trials and errors made as the harbour crew repaired the ship. Pretty soon, an attachment was formed between both of them as the ship was impressed with the can-do attitude of the harbour crew.

The safety of the harbour provided opportunities which the ship has never experienced before. From the runs along the coastline to dropping anchors at secluded coves for a cuppa, a lot of fond memories were created. It reached the stage that the ship decided to change her home-port to this harbour despite the mediocre facilities. 

However, things are never meant to be so smooth sailing. Due to misunderstandings and unrealistic expectations, the ship decided to head back to her homeport. The harbour is sad but it knows that her homeport is far better equipped even though it may not necessarily meet all her needs. The fortress chastised the harbour for not listening to them, but the harbour knew that despite the emotional attachment, things that has been set in motion at her homeport has dictated the need to sail back. The ship deserves something better than what it could offer.  

The harbour knows her presence will be missed when she is gone and will continue to scan the horizons for the smoke indicating her presence in the days to come, but it is cognisant of the fact that she may not be back anymore. But the harbour made a promise that if the ship finds herself battered the relentless storms and in need of a safe shelter, it will remain open for her. The fortress will again chastise the harbour for this, but the harbour knows that it's their purpose, their sole mission in life; to provide a safe harbour for battered ships.

All the harbour can do for now is to make her as sea-worthy as possible and when the day comes, it will bid her a fond farewell and that her journey back to the homeport will be a safe one. And once back home, that she would be as happy as she is in the comfort of a familiar home.