Sunday, March 30, 2014
As the sound of the raindrops pattered by my window, it brought a song to my mind. Despite my best efforts of finding the right words to describe the sense of the feelings that are circulating within me at this point in time, I couldn't seem to find any.
Sometimes the simple way is the best way, so here it goes, I miss you a lot.
想你想得好孤寂, 我想你想得好痛心 向天大聲喊愛你....
Perhaps one day you will feel my love for you, even though I am thousand of miles away...
Make you feel my loveLabels: Matters of the heart
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Saturday, March 29, 2014
Things can always be better as they always say. But what they didn't mention is that the road is never smooth-sailing. We just had a discussion amongst the housemates after receiving news that the school would be closed down.
What does it bring for me? As I am on their visa, it means I would need to leave US. It's a shame when I am so close to my objective. 20 more hours of flight time and I would have met the requirements to convert my licence. And I am so close to completing my Instruments licence.
Now with this crisis, I need to fork out additional cash to transfer to another school to complete the remainder of my training while I prepare to terminate the existing contract.
Time and money is slowly running out as I write this. For my advance training, aka type rating, I would have to check with the credit card company on the possibility of paying it in a 24 month interest free instalments. I don't know how long J can hold on because I want to come back home to make a difference before it's too late.
I just hope my guardian angels will watch over me as I manuever through this crisis.
Labels: Random Thots
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Tuesday, March 25, 2014
I really dread that time is running out for us as the training over here is taking too long. I don't know when I would be signed off for my Instruments checkride and how long it would take for me to complete my multi-engine training with so many students and two consistently broken aircraft.
Patience is limited and no one would be willing to wait for you to complete your training when they are already taken. I miss her alot and I can't wait for the day I step back onto our shores and chase her back again. Her hugs and reassuring touches are my constant source of comfort when the going was bad.
Even though we started off on a poor timing and without the benefit of time to build a solid foundation, I hope we can start all over again. I pray that the guardian angels will give us the chance and strength to move through these obstacles.
The going would be tough and hard but with commitment, communications and compromise, we would make it.
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Saturday, March 15, 2014
While the past couple of weeks have been one marked by slight depression over the state of affairs in my life, I have to constantly force myself to be more upbeat and positive. Perhaps its a test from the guardian angels to determine my breaking point and how hard I want something.
Looking back on the recent spate of events that made my life so miserable, I realised a couple of things; Flying has always been my dream and here I am, doing it. What more can I ask for? Even though the training has been tough for an old dog, my persistence will reap dividends one day as long as I don't throw in the towel.
On the relationship side of the house, I am definitely certain that I have met the girl of my dreams. Even though we may be worlds apart; I am a freedom-loving, always on the go charting new experiences and taking the lead while she is more of a pragmatic and down-to-earth person, I cannot imagine myself living a life without her. If the constant bantering and teasing are the lyrics to a music, then the laughter we share are the music that strings everything together.
Despite our stubborn nature, everything seems so right when we are together, so much so that I can seriously see ourselves together, snuggling on the couch together after a long day and sipping a glass of wine while raising a family of 3 kids at a place which we call home. Weekends would be spent as a family doing outdoor activities such as boating (yah, I am thinking of buying a boat when I have really made it), kiting, cycling, etc. I don't want my kids to spend their growing years playing electronic devices and missing out on the great outdoors.
When I am back, I would have to definitely work on my finances again, saving enough for the following things in order of priority;
1. House (including renovations) - within a 2 years timeframe
2. Wedding - within a 2 years timeframe, of course getting ROM ASAP to keep the intruders away
3. Car - so the wife can drive to school if she decides to do her Postgraduate program and we can go exploring and adventuring when we are free
4. Boat - within a 5 - 10 years timeframe when the kids are along the way and I apportioned my finances for their education
Even though all these are plans that I have made up, it won't be complete without you. Give me a chance and give us a chance to work things out. How much are you willing to give up to keep your hopes of love alive?
Labels: Matters of the heart
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Friday, March 14, 2014
How far would I go to keep the hope of love alive?
I would rather that you love me or hate me than to ignore me....
How far would I go to keep the hope of love alive?
All the way..
No matter what, you cannot stop me from loving you or missing you. Oh man, I hope I can be back in time. Labels: Matters of the heart
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Tuesday, March 11, 2014
A training flight that began with high hopes of being signed off for the checkride ended in disaster. While I acknowledged that I have made mistakes, no one is perfect.
Let's start with the first mistake I made. Instead of turning the plane to desired course of 002 and THEN twisting the OBS button upon passing the VOR, I did the reverse. My bad. When I turned inbound after completing my PT and reported to ATC, I did my landing checklist while trying to keep the needles centered and not busting my minimum altitude. With the plane configured for landing, I made the second mistake; I descended 0.5NM after the descent point. All the while, my instructor was yelling at me for these 2 mistakes I made, saying that we spent 20minutes to reach there and I had to mess it all up.
We proceeded on MISSED approach and instead of doing the published procedure as I have highlighted to ATC, my instructor got me to turn in another direction for a GPS fix to do my most-feared holding patterns. At LEAST I did it well after figuring it out while fighting the thermals emanating from the hot surface.
After that holding pattern, I prepared the plane for a GPS approach into a nearby airport and configured the plane for landing before the Initial Approach Fix by switching on the landing lights and lowering one notch of flaps. BAM!! I got yelled at for doing it so early and should do it ONLY when I have been established onto the inbound heading PRIOR to the Final Approach Fix. While he was screaming at me, I was descending and BAM, busted the minimums because I got distracted by the yelling.
Even the visual landing back at home airport was a disaster as I was coming in high and hot. I knew what I had to do to correct for the mistake but the reaction wasn't quick enough for his liking. I was trying to land the airplane and he took over the controls without informing me.
I wonder all the time when I would be able to meet his high expectations as he laments that I need to concentrate and focus. He commented that I did everything so well in the simulator and yet I end up screwing up everything in the air. Then again, in the simulator, he doesn't scream or yell at me. I feel demoralised all the time when he starts screaming at me. It makes me lose my concentration and makes the already saturated workload heavier. I flew with another instructor during his absence and the comments given were that I knew what I was doing and that my landings were ok. In fact, this instructor only helped me out during the landing as I was fighting an extremely strong crosswind when I touched down.
I seriously wonder whether I will get signed off for my checkride at this rate.
Labels: Grumblings
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Monday, March 03, 2014
I wished you could give me a word of encouragement to spur me on, it didn't happen. Surprisingly, it came from V instead. Perhaps seeing that has made you upset for I remembered you saying that she would still get me back if she have to; for I am just someone who is foolish enough to go back to someone even though she has caused me a lot of heartache.
But, the thing is, I have given my heart to you and would do whatever it takes to preserve and protect the right to love you. Despite making you upset all the time, we also created many wonderful memories together. Perhaps you are concerned about hurting my feelings, that's why you have chosen to keep all the photos of both of you private. But aren't we entitled to our personal freedom in what we want to do? I never liked to be restricted in my freedom and neither would I restrict my partner's. Love is never about restricting each other's freedoms, it's about respecting each other's need for private space.
Why then do you choose to continue ignoring me yet be concerned about hurting my feelings at the same time?Labels: Matters of the heart
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Sunday, March 02, 2014
The little imperfections..
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you can turn back the clock and undo whatever things you have done; choices that you have made, mistakes that you have committed, etc.? Wouldn't life be better if we can turn back the clock?
Alas, it wouldn't be possible, isn't it, for then the world would be such a perfect place. I guess we need some imperfections in our life to make it perfect. It's always the little imperfections that makes you realise and appreciate the things that you often take for granted. After being overseas for close to 6 months now, I now have learnt to appreciate the love and warmth of our family and friends. It is through these times that you see who your real friends are; those who encourage you when you feel emotional and so far away from home. And it is also through these times that you also know that your family will always stand by you no matter how bad things will be.
While many of my friends and ex-colleagues admire me for my courage in chasing the life-long dream of flight, they would never understand the sacrifices I made in order to make it here;
1. How would they understand that you spent your entire savings, which are meant for marriage and housing, on a dream?
2. How would they understand the pain you feel when your girl needs you and you can't be there to provide her with the comfort that she needs when she had a bad day?
3. Who will ever understand the loneliness of spending Christmas, New Year and CNY overseas when all you really wanted is spend with your loved ones?
4. How do you explain to your good friends that you have to do a rain check on baby showers, weddings or even a simple event of running a race?
5. Who will ever understand the countless hours spent on the books, in the simulator and in the air just for the coveted licence to fly?
I may portray a strong and positive façade to many, but deep down, I am a fragile person. Like a car which needs gas to fuel its journey, I need words of affirmation to fill up my emotional bank to keep me going. For the record, in the times when my emotions gets the better of me, my close knit buddies from my Air Force days were the ones who kept me going. Even friends who I didn't expect made the effort to swing by to visit when they were in this part of US or texted me to wish me well.
But some whom I always wished would had texted or emailed me didn't. As I quote from the song; "You Found Me";
Where were you when everything was falling apart?
All my days spent by the telephone, that never rang.
All I needed was a call, that never came...
Perhaps I have been expected too much..
Perhaps I should learn to let go.. Labels: Random Thots
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