Drove up to Orlando over the weekend for a short break and also to discuss about Airbus conversion with the new school.

The first stop was Kennedy Space Center which I have not visited for close to 18 years..yah..18 years. But the place has never fail to amaze me. The amount of work behind the scenes just to launch the space programs is just enormous. Along the way I spied upon the Astronauts Hall of Fame and a warbird museum at Space Coast Airport which I may visit on Monday when I make the drive back to Fort Lauderdale.

The next stop was Universal Studios Orlando. In fact, the park itself consists of a water theme park and one dedicated to Harry Porter, all for different ticket prices. I was just interested in the main Universal Studios and that's why I got the ticket and an add-on meal option. It is a recommended choice as the food is pretty expensive. The meal option consisted of 2 drinks, one main meal and a snack. I got lucky for the mains as I was supposed to have only 2 rack of ribs but the server gave me an additional 2 rack as the first 2 rack was too small. How about that?!?!

As for the rides, I can't compare it to USS as I haven't visited it yet (neither has J). If we do end up together again (and I really hope that miracle will happen), I will bring her there. Speaking of which, I gave the roller coaster as I got cowardly. Perhaps as you grow older, the propensity for dangerous acts just diminishes.

But one thing is certain, as I explored all the places, I wished J was here with me to share the adventure. We would definitely have a lot of fun together; checking out the rides, the history of NASA and snuggling on the bed with a glass of wine at the end of the day. I miss her alot...

Finally passed my CPL-ME checkride on 24 Jun 2014. I never imagined that I would be able to pass it on the first time as I know that my flying wasn't good enough. On top of that, I was assigned a tough DPE who assessed me during my PPL days.

Well, like what my instructor said, I just needed to have confidence in myself and that I should just relax, react instinctively and not think too much as he has noticed that I always like to think alot. Ever since I knew that my flying skills would not be good enough for the checkride, I had conditioned myself to just relax, get it over and done with while enjoying it, rather than getting too stressed out.

Perhaps this was what got me through the entire episode. I know myself that I am not a good pilot and that I have a long way to go in my pilot journey. But as long as I have put in the effort and done my best, I should be happy with the journey.

Now that its all over, I am just taking a short breather while settling all the necessary paperwork for the Airbus program, medical and also taking a short trip up to MCO to visit some of the attractions. Before I know it, I would be done and heading home.

The only regret I have for being where I am now was losing J. In fact, I worry about her alot and often wonder whether she is receiving the TLC that she truly deserves. It's no longer my call but deep inside, I know that I can do a better job than the other guy, despite all my short-comings.

J, if you do read this, please know that I love you alot and I miss you so much. Things may no longer be the same for we have moved on, but I am still holding on to that tiniest hope that we can still be together. 

I love you.

These few terms have been floating in my mind for the past few days as I grapple with my multi-engine training. To those who told me it was easy, it's never been easy for me. Every step of my training has been fraught with difficulties and I have surmounted each challenge with plenty of sweat and tears. 

It has taken me tens of landings to really get the picture correct, hours of flying FSX to be acquainted with instrument scanning on steam gauges, tons of chair flying to get the bulk of the procedures behind the maneuvers correct, yet I am still facing some difficulties. For example, it took me 13hours to really handle single engine failure under VFR conditions without applying the wrong rudder and getting a wing-over. 

My main problems now are the instrument approaches with a simulated single engine failure as I have the tendency to apply the wrong rudder and aileron correction. Getting on the centerline seems to be getting better, but I need to work on keeping the plane centered with a tad of right rudder while flaring it. 

But I will get there, slowly and surely..before my checkride next week.

This is the Big 5 post; yes, the number 500th post. I am surprised that I have managed to keep it going for quite a while. In fact, this is my second blog ever since I started capturing my thoughts in cyberspace. Do I have any special words to say about reaching the Big 5?

Actually I don't have to much to say except that this has been a place where I can pen my thoughts, vent my frustrations and get emotional over BGR issues. This is a place where I can be myself without being judged by anybody, lest my close friends if they managed to chance upon it. To recap about my character, despite my often portrayed outgoing demeanor, I am a pretty private person. Not many people really know the true me, except those who have went through thick and thin with me. I must say, those really close friends who have seen me hold back on my tears can really be counted with just a hand. 

I never liked to be portrayed as weak in front of my family and friends for I have always been strong. Perhaps it's due to my upbringing as the eldest in the family where you have to "keep a stiff upper lip", bite the bullet and carry on with life. But like they say, the more you suppress it, the more it will bottle up and blow up on you one day. Throughout the years, this blog has become one of my outlets besides running. 

Well, moving on, this blog will continue to be my outlet and to those who have stumbled upon this blog, decided that you really liked it and have been following it, I appreciate the support. At the end of the day, I am but a simple man with simple dreams. When I pass on, no song nor poem would be written in my honour for the generations to come. But perhaps, somehow, this blog would be my living legacy of my life and that someone would be able to relate to it.

Godspeed and may the force be with you.    

It pains me to know that J is going back to the office to work on a Saturday. I may have mentioned this before but I have never enjoyed going back to the office on a weekend to work. Even though I was in the Force, going back to work on a weekend when I could spend time with my loved ones or doing the things I love has never worked wonders for my mental well being. 

I would rather go in early during the weekdays or work late nights just to finish up all the paperwork than to spend my weekends in the office. The only exceptions were only during exercises, operations or standbys. As for J, I hope she is not stressed out. Our weekends were usually well spent together, one which saw us going for runs/gym sessions in the morning followed by a swim and topped off with brunch at any interesting place. Then we would be chilling out with our favorite books at Starbucks or doing some other random stuff. The bottomline was, we have spent our weekdays working our asses off, so weekends should be catered for "us" time.

I wonder how she is coping as she seems not to be having a resemblance of proper life; one NOT revolving around work. I wish I could do something for her, to give her comfort like a hug, buy her sunflowers to brighten her day or bring her out for a breather/staycation. But alas, I must constantly remind myself that it's no longer my duty anymore even though I still love her as much. Perhaps she is already receiving the TLC from him even as I write this entry. If so, I feel happy for her, for nothing is more important than her happiness.

Take care, my love...

Battling the flu bug while studying and going through the procedures on a stationary plane parked under the hot sun can be totally draining. It's been 3 days since the flu bug hit me and I hope I am getting better.

I feel that I lagging behind in my studies and with the checkride looming near, I am abit worried. But everything happens for a reason and I know that as long as I have put in the effort, I have nothing to fear. All I need to do now is to bite the bullet for the next two weeks and get it out of the way. With this out of the way, I can do my type-rating and head back home.

Despite burying myself in the books, I still think of J. I wonder how her day has gone by, whether she lived it to the fullest, whether she is happy with the day, etc. As foolish as it sounds, I do wish that I could be there, pick her up to and from work, give her hug of confidence to start the day and give her a hug of comfort when her day has ended. Foolish I am right?

September is slowly drawing near....and I hope she is not stressed out with the planning....

The house has turned into a jail of sorts as I am cooped up in it everyday preparing for the checkride on 24 Jun 2014. It has come to a point that the daily routine of self-studying for at least 10 hours has taken a toll on the mind and body. The mind feels drained at the end of each day while the body is feeling the effects of flu. 

At the end of each day, I just have to force myself to get out of the house by taking the car out for a drive. Adding to that, I am always paranoid about being caught by the school authorities for squatting in the house and getting my friends in trouble. I wonder how long the deadly cat and 

mouse game will last but I hope that they won't discover anything until I am done with my training.

After sending J the last email, I manage to last only a grand total of 3 days before I started texting her again. How I hate myself for that. While it's not those mushy ones which we used to send each other, it was restrained on my part. It has reached the stage that if "I don't text you, I don't reply" stage. Great. Perhaps she is going on happily with her life now and trying to portray it with her selfie shots or group shots of them together.

For me, the pain is still there. As explained in my previous post, I still look at her profile everyday, hoping to know how she is doing. I can't bear to think of her doing the stuff we used to do together with him, cuddling and sharing the same bed with him for it's eating me up slowly. But it's a phase that a heartbroken man must go through in order to get on with life. 

Right now, all I can do, in between my thoughts of her, is to put all my energy into my studies and flying, get it over and done with, go home.

Good night my love...

Nearly got myself killed today while I was practicing one engine inoperable procedures. For an engine out procedure, I was supposed to apply rudder and aileron towards the operable engine. Instead of doing so, I applied the wrong rudder and the airplane basically winged over and spun down vertically.

Basically, as the ground rushed up towards me, I just muttered; "oh fxxx" and froze there. My instructor took over the controls and managed to recover the plane after losing 1000ft of altitude. Seriously, I was scared shitless and was just wondering how screwed-up my life was for today; that of having to really force myself to shut myself out of J's life (even though I miss her so much), messing up my systems flow procedure and feeling that my life is just spiraling out of control (no pun intended).

Moving forward, I ought to have some resemblance of organisation and control in my life. Honestly, I still look at J's FB profile and whatsapp just to see whether she is ok. I know that she is a big girl and take care of herself. But it's the same old empty feeling in my heart beause love comes slow and it goes so fast. I still see her when I fall asleep, but yet never to touch and never to keep. Because I loved her too much and dived too deep.

Like they all say, time will heal all these wounds I have inflicted on myself.

As for the new school, things seem to be working out for I am going to start my training on Monday and with only 20 hours required to fly the twin engine, I would be done in no time. In addition this school also tie-ups with the type-rating school which I am planning to attend upon my completion of my Commercial Pilot Licence. Furthermore, the type-rating school has a training center at the international airport nearby. This is definitely a bonus for it means I do not have head up North to finish up and I can stay in my friend's room and drive to the training center everyday. It definitely saves on the accommodation and living expenses. 

For J, I have the feeling she hasn't gotten over us like what everybody has said. This was quite evident by her tears and the long, deep hugs the night before I left. With my presence, she seems to be having an internal struggle. Perhaps I am reading too much into it, but Time will tell how much we mean to each other.