Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Sometimes old habits really die hard..drove to J's yoga place to pick her up after my gym as per previous times, only to remember that she is on "avoidance" mode from me.
So, with a laugh, I just filtered away from the place and drove home.
As usual, she is avoiding me. I don't know and understand why she is doing this.For all those times I stood by her, how can I just let her walk away without a trace? Perhaps its just her way of escaping...instead of facing it head-on.
Sometimes, its just about time and space...
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Monday, January 25, 2010
The busy month is almost over. The assessment for my suitability for middle-management level appointments have been completed. In the eyes of the management, I am deemed qualified to perform the role of a section-head; one who is responsible for close to 100-odd chaps and millions-of-dollars worth of equipment.
What's the use of being so shit-hot in your career when your personal life is in tatters?Labels: Grumblings
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Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Sighz....just when I thought...
A breather can be seen next week, the organisation dropped a bombshell on me; to "hold the fort" at another planning exercise out in the West. It's already been a tiring week not only for me, but also the rest of the more senior people.
I am already going for an all-expenses paid field trip this week and now another one next week? Feels like I am getting short end of the stick. I am already feeling the strain and I just hope I can hang on till Mar, when I can go for a short get-away.
It's not only me, but the fatigue is starting to register on everybody's face and its a miracle that no one has started collapsing from the sheer amount of activities that's been going on within the organisation for this month. I was talking to a friend over dinner over the symptoms of stress and its not surprising that I got 8 of 10 symptoms..nice;
1. Anger (checked)
2. Depression (checked)
3. Anxiety (checked)
4. Changes in Behaviour (checked)
5. Food Cravings (checked)
6. Lack of appetite (checked)
7. Frequent crying
8. Difficulty sleeping
9. Feeling tired (checked)
10. Difficulty concentrating (checked)
This year has been an extremely tough one and its only the beginning of the year; the work-load doesn't seems to be getting lighter, my relationship matters with J doesn't seems to be working out, the finance doesn't seem to be improving either.
Boss was having a chat with me yesterday over my next appointment and offered me a sabbatical to US for six months at the end of this year. If I take up this offer, it would definitely mean a promotion within the next 2 years. But like what I mentioned earlier, I am determined to put my career at the back-seat and concentrate on my personal life.
But what personal life can I possibly get if the work load just seems to get heavier?
Sighz..time to go back to work again...Labels: Grumblings
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Sunday, January 17, 2010
It was never inked on any paper..in fact, it may never end up with the intended recipient,unless....
After knowing you for close to five years, you have always struck me as having an outspoken personality with a "can-do" attitude. Yet I sense that there lies a restless spirit within you, forever searching for that "missing" element to fulfill your sense of purpose in life.
While I can't answer what's the missing element, what I can do is to walk this journey with you to search for that missing element. You may ask, why am I doing all this? There's only one word for it; LOVE. It's easy to say, yet difficult to practice in reality. I wished I could had done more for you, besides the occassional meet-up for lunch, driving you from or picking you up for work.
I often wished that I could take care of you more than I can now, even though you often mentioned that you can do so yourself. But I just wished to be there so that if you scream, I will fight away all of your fears, that if you cry, I will fight away all of your tears and to hold you throughout the years.
Even though I am not close to that perfect cup of tea, I am working towards it. I hope that one day, you can allow me to be that cup of tea; to allow me share all your woes and joys. Labels: Random Thots
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Friday, January 15, 2010
Its the middle of January and already I am on the verge of collapsing from sheer physical and mental fatigue. Working at an average of 16 to 18hr per day, it's just pure miracle I am not lying on some hospital bed and still able to update this column.
Despite an adequate 6 hrs of I still feel drained whenever I am awake. Even copious amounts of coffee does not seem to alleviate the fatigue that is coursing throughout the body.It's so bad that there have been a couple of times I nearly found myself wrapped around some trees while driving home from work.
It's been a crazy month..juggling between the day-to-day activities of a high-tempo organisation, meetings and planning cycle for the Event of the Year, reviewing and developing new policies. Everyone that I know seems to be coming to work with a sad sense of acceptance-that things can only get better, somehow.
Although it has been a busy month, it does not I have not stopped thinking of J. In fact, she appears automatically on my mind during those little hiatus that I can afford to have. Seems like she has somehow disappeared into thin air. Perhaps after my confession, she might have felt stressed out and went for another holiday to take a break.
Even our mutual friend don't understand what's going on between the both of us, one who is so devoted to another, yet the other doesn't seem to be appreciative of the little things that has been done for her. But its alright, I have promised not to stress her over this and that as long she is happy, it is enough for me.
Ok, the bed is beckoning...time to call it a day. Good night world!!Labels: Random Thots
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Sunday, January 03, 2010
The trip to HK was quite a break for me...even though I was travelling alone.
Alot of people have asked me why do I always travel overseas for holidays alone. Don't I have friends? Well, humans, no matter how social by nature they are, will always need some time alone. Time to reflect on themselves, their actions and what they wish to achieve in their life.
Again, people will question the soundness of this reasoning but travelling alone has allowed me to dictate my pace of travel instead of going along with the majority of the flow. Besides going on a shopping spree (and buying too much diecast airplanes and clothes), I took the opportunity to see and experience the real Hong Kong, which the ordinary tourists would not even notice or step foot into.
As much as possible, I tried capturing the everyday life using my trusty camera, such as an old lady praying for health and prosperity at a temple as tourists walked by her. Stumbling onto a bustling wet market while walking to Times Square was an experience by itself. It was a waste I did not manage to capture those moments.
It was also at this time I met J over there and we went to Macau for a short day trip. Nothing came out from our little day trip. My relationship with her can only be surmised by the quote; "Not her cup of tea, but rather the kopi siu tai that is consumed every morning but yet often overlooked"
She knows how much I feel about her and I have told her before she came back last night. I know my closest friends have expressed their concerns about my devoted love for her, which sadly, wasn't reciprocated. They even questioned why a good guy (am I really such a good guy? A female friend told me that last night over drinks) like me deserved to be treated like this, which is so wrong.
Perhaps its a fervently and blindly optimistic belief that it may really work out..a typical Sagittarius trait that is so...wrong..when it comes to love. But whatever it is, I will not give up on her, until she's married.
For I have screwed it once with S years ago due to my career and I am not going to repeat the same mistake again. I can tell you, till date, I am still very bitter about my lack of action back before S got married. The career can now take a back-seat for I have reached where I have planned to be. Now the focus will be making it up for what I have lost in terms of my personal life.Labels: Matters of the heart, Trips
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Oh yes, 2009 has come to a close and its time to look ahead to a brand new beginnings of 2010.
And as I read my previous post in Jan 2009 to check on my attainment of my 2009 resolutions, I can at least say with pride that I managed to complete most of all. Now, here's a quick run down of what my resolution was back then;
1. Challenge myself in running StanChart Marathon. (Doned)
2. Devote more time in improving my photography skills. (Doned..seems like it has paid off,judging from my friends' compliments. Felt so touched that my works were appreciated. But there are always room for improvement)
3. Save up more money for my studies in Australia. (An on-going process, but its on track..)
4. Cut back on working late and leave office by 1900H, spend more time with the family, friends and the special girl. (Partially achieved. Sometimes I have not much choice as there are work to be done. I did spend more time with my family and friends. As for the special girl, I think this year was considered acceptable as we did meet up pretty often and I did make an good impression on her family. But its not enough..the decision still lies with her)
So with the new year, what's the resolution for 2010?
1. Be more patient towards idiotic drivers who don't signal when changing lanes and driving on the overtaking lane at the speed limit.
2. Be more tactful in my words and lacing it with more humour when talking to others, especially with girls.
3. Have a better work-life balance and taking time out to appreciate the little things in life.
4. Spend wisely and save more for the future. (read: Buy less die-cast models
5. Stop going to St. James for clubbing and finding alternative chill-out places.
6. Get a GOLD for IPPT.
7. Get a special someone. It's getting abit lonely nowadays. Pets not counted.
And there you have it, my resolutions for 2010.
Happy New Year!!Labels: Random Thots
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