Sunday, March 29, 2009
Recovered from the crisis?
I think that for the past few days, I have returned to my cheery self. I don't know why, but it's as if the storm clouds have blown over and the sun has brightened up the landscape somewhat.
The logical side of me cannot explain why the sudden change..it seems so unreal, as if nothing has happened at all. Perhaps the mountains of work for the past few days has kept me occupied and prevented me from thinking too much. I guess nature has a way of healing us in its own ways..
Maybe I should adopt my friend's mentality of "If your FATE does come, it will come in an unexpected manner..in a way that you will never expect it." Thats how she met her current beau, when she went on a trip to Greece..she never thought that it would happen, but it happened. So I guess I should be like her.Labels: Matters of the heart
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Friday, March 27, 2009
Reaping what I have sowed
Do not be mislead by the above title. It is not that bad karma has fallen on me. On the contrary, it is something good.
I received my performance bonus letter yesterday morning. It was better than what I have wished for and came as a genuine surprise. This meant that my appraisal must have been excellent to warrant such a good payout. I won't mention what the payout was like for fear of causing social upheaval amongst my friends.
But not to fret, the payout wasn't as good as what AIG got or closer to our home, what some public personnel had (read: 8 months). End of the day, part of this money will be ploughed back as taxable income, so I should had paid my dues.
At the end of the day, compared to my peers who are struggling to keep their jobs, I am very very fortunate and thankful I have a job. So whether I receive any bonus is secondary. Come to think of it, every time when something bad happens to me, I am compensated in another way.
Go figure.Labels: Random Thots
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Monday, March 23, 2009
Sat by the beach yesterday and listened to the gentle lapping waves crashing against the shore. As I looked at the patches of clouds floating by above me, I was reminded that my affairs of the heart always seems to be like it.
Those that I loved whole-heartedly will come and drift off just like the clouds, leaving me empty each time. But today I found my sense of worth again...through my work. By shifting my focus to my work and dwelling too much, I managed to stem the bleeding of my heart. But is it right to bury myself in my work and forget about it?
Seems like by burying myself in work, I sought it as a form of escape, to tell myself that everything is normal. Do everyone do the same thing as I do, burying oneself in their work as a form of escape? For those who have to reject people who show interest in them, how will they feel? Do they feel the same? I don't know for I am not that fortunate enough to do so. Can they live with the fact that things will still be the same and carry on as per normal?
My good buddy has told me that after this episode, I should learn to change my perspective and my outlook on love; to do other things. For me, photography has become my avenue of expressing my thoughts and feelings on many matters. Even the simple act of photographing a driftwood lying on the beach has allowed me to express my feelings on many matters.
No wonder they say a Photographer's life is a lonely one, for his best companion is his camera and his photos are his thoughts.
But whatLabels: Matters of the heart
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Sunday, March 22, 2009
As the title implied..it's over.
Sometimes it sets you wondering whether it is meant to be in the first place..that what's yours is meant to be yours, what's not yours, no matter how hard you try, you will never get it?
This post may sound very "un-me": That such a positive and sunshine person that is portrayed in everyone's mind is capable of being sad. I guess sad is pretty much an under-statement. It just felt like my heart has sunk to the depths of infinity, after being on the bright sunny surface for a while. Why do I keep trudging back onto the minefield of love even though I have been blown to bits so many times?
Love is really like a knife, it can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that will last a lifetime...in this case, I got stabbed, it hurts badly and bleeds badly.Labels: Matters of the heart
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Saturday, March 21, 2009
Tired..that's how I should describe myself. I reached home at 0120 this morning and hit the sack at 0135 after a tiring 12-hr helping J with her chalet stuff that I had helped her secure.
Knowing that she would need all the help for the chalet, I took leave and cancelled my appointment to drive her down to the chalet. Oh, did I mentioned that included her mom, aunt, cousin and her dog? Just reminds me of a meet-the-people session.....or rather, meet-the-family session.
I guessed she was pretty appreciative of my help and invited me to the BBQ session in the evening. Now, that was when the real test started. Thank god her relatives were very friendly and they made me felt welcome. I spent most of the time BBQ-ing food with her cousins and chatted with them. From our conversations, it seems like they have known of my existence for a while.
Even the cousin told me in plain words; the parents are sitting over there, now stop your BBQ-ing, join them for the food..and score some points.. : 0 It was also funny that her aunt kept plying me with lots of food, while her uncle extended an invitation to join him for a game of badminton every week and bring J along. I was like, how come the relatives are helping me out when I have just known them for less than a day?
Actually I appreciate the help they are giving me and I am totally stunned by the way they treated me; like a family. Perhaps, this is J's way of gauging the family receptiveness towards me?
Nah, come to think of it, perhaps it was just her way of expressing thanks for helping her.Labels: Matters of the heart
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Saturday, March 14, 2009
Sometimes I wonder, whether I am capable of deciphering the right signals from the opposite sex. Take J for instance. Our mutual friend related to me that she was shocked to have receive flowers from me on V-day.
Well, I did mention to her that we let nature runs its own course, but unknown to her, I have given myself a timeline of 6 months to win her heart. I was advised that during this period of time, I should go out and explore the options available. But the problem is, with my heart able to accommodate one person at any one time, so how do I do that?
Even though I have not professed my feelings for her upfront, I do know that she knows my feelings for her. Now, my feelings for her has already reached the immeasurable stage,where even if you multiply it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever..she will only have a glimpse of how much I feel for her.
I admit that I belong under the category of "Actions do speak louder than words", so when it comes to dishing out lovey-dovey stuff, it becomes a challenge. The things that I can do is to be there for her in her hours of needs.
The most painful part comes when you see her going out with other guys, and you can only act non-nonchalant about it because you have to respect her freedom of choice. Even if she is your girlfriend, you have to constantly hammer yourself on the head to remind yourself that she is free to go out with whoever she wants to. But how would you feel if you see your love-interest hopping into another guy's car and go off on a mid-night show with another couple? A tinge of jealousy, of course. Someone pass me a vat of vinegar, please..
Love is like a knife, it can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that will last a lifetime.Labels: Matters of the heart
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Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Preparing for J's Birthday
3 months to J's birthday...and now its time to start doing her birthday present. Target date of completion? Before I fly off to Canada for work...that is 2 months from now.
What am I going to get for her? Something that I will make by my two hands.
I hope the Boys up there are helping me out for everything seems to be falling into place out of sudden; my secondment to the West side next week, in Apr and May. Now, how coincidental can that be?Labels: Random Thots
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Thursday, March 05, 2009
Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
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