With one more week to the nation's celebration first and last return to the Sports Hub after 10 years, everyone is hyped up for the country's 51st celebration. You were fortunate enough to have been involved in the last celebration at the stadium before it closed down and, now back at the re-opened Sports Hub.

While it's a been a home-coming of sorts, you felt old as you have been involved in the nation's celebration for 10 years in various capacities. Be it in the Organising Secretariat (OS), deployed for operations or as a volunteer photographer, you have met fabulous people and immersed in the tremendous energy of the participants. 

You just hope that there's no need to do a tribute video for the upcoming 51st celebrations given this morning's news. It meant that assets would have to be alerted and placed on standby for OWS. You remembered a similar event last year which saw you taking out your dress whites and blues to pay your tribute. It also saw you doing something which you have never being able to do; being there for her. That aside, you hope that she wouldn't have to be involved again for this event. 

Ok, you have digressed. 

To burn months of Saturdays (in the capacity of a volunteer photographer) dedicating your time to capture the moments is something which many will not understand. You get to learn from the experienced photographers on the composition, lighting and build bonds that last for life. But with that coming to an end, life will return to normalcy with more time for yourself (hopefully).

But knowing yourself, you won't be able to sit still at home on a Saturday with nothing to do. So you are going to pick up where you have left off; hitting the books for the ATPL exams. But, you need to refresh yourself with the basics. So there you go, Saturdays mugging at the school library followed by gym to keep yourself in fighting shape.

It's been a busy week as you sought to strike a balance between (1) Crafting the Company's Strategic Review Workplan paper (which you thought you had gotten rid of when you left the organisation), (2) Articulating the Company's Business Strategy, (3) Managing Corporate HQ's Talent Development Implementation and, (4) your own company's Learning & Development portfolio.

So much portfolios, but only you and yourself doing it. All for the price of one person.

While you often wonder whether you are compensated equitably for the amount of work you are doing, you also count your blessings that you are still employed amid the poor economic outlook. In addition, you have been provided with plenty of opportunities in form of exposure to the larger commercial world of business on top of your core manpower development portfolio. Through such exposure, you have been able to link the business strategy to that of manpower development strategy.

You believe that these 1.5 years of corporate experience in manpower development and corporate strategy will provide you with the opportunity to jump to another company (and hopefully, with better remuneration). But will that opportunity arise? Only time will tell.

All self-reflections came through your mind while enroute for a morning meeting along your favourite stretch of road. It's also the same stretch of road that memories of J bubbled up. And, yes, you have dreamt of her too for these past few nights. Is it a sub-conscious way of her reaching out to you and vice-versa? You once wrote that if the telepathic waves are strong enough, it would be picked up the other party. But would it start a fight between them?

Well, as usual, you are just thinking too much. Why would she think of you? In the words of the commercial world, what's the ROI for her to do so? Besides, the memories and time together have been relegated to the history books, which like a time capsule, will only be unearthed if it can be found.

Besides, she is leading the life she has aspired for and with school starting this week, it's better for her to focus her energies on the academic work instead of thinking about you (assuming if she does). If you remember correctly, two more semesters and she would be done. Well, good luck and stay focused. J, everything will work out just fine, as long as you believe (if she does read this).

The pre-dawn showers were perfect to sleep in and comprehend calling in sick. 

To those who are much more responsible and dragged the sleepy body to work through the heavy downpour, it must have been a miserable journey with slow traffic, packed public transport and drenched commuters. Adding to the depressing morning would be the freezing central air-conditioning and an empty fuel tank screaming for food and coffee.

But is that the morning that one would want? A morning which spoils the mood for the rest of the day and damages relationships? Sometimes its all about the state of mind which one has to condition themselves with.

Even with a gloomy morning like this, a positive mind and bright smile is what one needs to get you through the day. By reminding yourself that everything is going to be fine and having the faith that things will turn out well, one will naturally become more optimistic. Throw in a steamy mug of coffee and hot breakfast, the day will become even better.

Such is the power of positive mindset.

So having said so much, do you continue to be as gloomy as the rainy weather or be the sun ray which shines through a break in the rain clouds?  

It has been an emotional roller-coaster weekend; one which was filled with self-doubt and reminisce of the memories. 

Even though it's a promotion 1.5 years after joining the organisation, the self-doubt has gotten you worried whether you would be able to handle such a daunting task of leading the department. It also led you to question if that's what you want given that your heart still belongs to the sky. Your university classmates (one whom is a pilot in the national carrier), have advised that you are better off giving up trying for the carriers and planting your feet firmly on the ground since your age is catching up.

But how do one convince the heart that such endeavour is no longer possible? Would your soul be able to rest in peace knowing that you have decided to give up that hope of even making it as a commercial pilot? The only thread that's keeping it alive is that licence which you hold in your hand, reminding you that you made it before. 

At times like these, you wish for a strong pillar of support to shore you up. Who can understand that underneath that strong front is someone hoping for a sounding board, a vote of confidence and a safe harbour to retreat into? Oh, how you miss that sharp and witty tongue, that stubborn yet caring pillar of support!!

Interestingly, the readings from the people up there points to the fact only someone who is sharp-tongue, witty yet stubborn would be able to catch your attention and be that one pillar of strength that you seek for.

One can only hope.

You have to apologise to those faithful followers of this blog for being out of action for so long. It was something unavoidable as you were totally down with a bad case of viral flu. All thanks to the little nephew who passed the bug to you.

It started with a bout of coughing fits on Friday night and the throat started to itch on Saturday morning. Despite a pounding headache and feeling feverish, you managed to discharge your responsibilities of supervising the minor renovations before seeking medical attention at the nearest medical centre (read: the airport). 

It's ironic that while people are going to the airport on a Saturday evening to get out of the country, you are there to seek medical attention as its the nearest place to your office. But the medication was a god-send as the heavy dosage knocked you out by 8pm that night. Sunday was spent largely sleeping as the body's defence system fought off the viral intruders. For the past few days, your appetite was totally non-existent as sleep took priority over everything else. Even though you felt weak, you subsisted just on bread and plain rice porridge just so you can pump the body with more medication.

After fighting the bug for the past 4 days (and sleeping at 9.30pm every night), you are feeling better and your appetite has returned. In between fighting the flu bug, you continued to discharge your work duties to the best of your abilities. While it's not ideal, you have to do what you have to do; given that you have been given the tall order of taking over as the department head. 

It's not going to be easy given the sensitivities involved and you would need to manage the loss of face incurred. Hopefully, everything will turn out well. 

   

When a toddler is down with viral fever, no matter how exhausted you are, you have to summon the will to wake up and attend to him. And that was how your mid-week public holiday was spent. While the Empress Dowager was at the forefront of attending to the little one's cries of hunger (the feeding amount was reduced as he would puke everything out), you did your part by carrying the little one while she made the milk.

It's always heart-wrenching to see little kids fall sick as there's nothing much you could do to lessen the discomfort they are feeling except to carry him and comfort him. Adding to the need to monitor the temperature frequently to ensure that it doesn't fry the brains out, one can surmise that taking care of a sick child is never easy.

It's never easy being a parent and you have plenty of respect for parents of young kids. Not only do they have to balance the demands of work, they also have to sacrifice their rest time to care for their off-spring, more so if they are sick. As one of friend mentioned, it's never easy. No matter how exhausted they are, they still have to wake up in the middle of the night to feed their child. If the wife is nursing, the husband has to provide the moral support and help to sterilise the equipment (it's already tiring enough to nurse a kid, let alone do all the housework).

You wonder whether you would be up to the task. But then again, there's always a first for everything, isn't it?

Interestingly, it was not the much-wowed about officer that every one was drooling over but the stern-looking but warm-hearted Sergeant-Major and his sassy Doctor girlfriend. As you went through the episodes, you could not help but find similarities in your previous relationship with J. The character of the sassy girlfriend was somewhat similar to J, even though she wasn't an uniformed personnel.

While you did not have to face the disapproval of the General-officer father, it was the disapproval of her family which you were constantly worried of given that you were the one who nearly broke things up. Your failure to force a decision and live with a status-quo often made you feel like running away. But unlike the fairy tale drama whereby the Sergeant-Major reunited with the sassy girlfriend one year after being assumed dead, such things doesn't appear in real life.   

Well, such is a twist of fate and after 2 years, you still wonder whether if things would had turned out like that of the drama. Does she feel that way at times too? But then again, why rock the boat when things are already going on well for her?

To be held responsible for other people's mess and have your performance appraisal affected by it is something which you have always felt unfair.

Lemons like these often make you question the system which you have served and protected for the past 14 years. Even though you have transited to the Reserves, you still feel indignant for people who have to be put through such un-necessary nonsense of being the scape-goat. 

While the organisation in general has developed structures and processes to provide governance (and you have benefited from it), you have always felt that being held responsible for a downstream failure due to some clown who don't follow rules and upstream failure (lack of clear direction) is something you could never stomach. It makes you question as to why the upper-ups, while protecting their careers, would seek to find a sacrificial lamb to throw to the wolves? 

In fact when your boss, who was formerly an active personnel, shared that the organisation, in general, has become more risk-adverse, you cannot agree more. If an organisation become afraid pushing the boundaries because of the responsibility of failure, it risks becoming less competitive and obsolete.

Unfortunately, for the career stability the organisation provides, it's at the expense of the individualistic fear of being penalised for failure. One should take ownership and provide the directions instead of running away from problems.