Wednesday, August 31, 2005
If looks can kill..stress can too
Couldn't drag my tired ass out of the bed this morning in time for my first lecture at 8.30..so I left home pretty late..at 8.30...haha..
In the end, I reached school at 9.30..missing the lecture in progress..what the heck, they have online recordings of the lecture which I can watch when I am free..FREE..something that I have not experienced in a long long time..
Seems like I am being bogged down by the sheer amount of work again...
1) M428-Quality Assuarance: Since the start of second phase of this lecture, I have not been able to understand what the lecturer is saying..there ain't any prescribed textbook I can fall back on as reference.
2)M462-Advanced Manufacturing and Nanotechnology: Same as above except I have the reference textbook to fall back on. I managed to photocopy the first 3 chapters of the text and now I haven't been able to read that..guess I will read that later.
3)MP2006-Mathematics 3: ARGGHHHH...this is the subject which I hate the most. I aint have the time to read the lecture notes and do the tutorials..I am pretty worried I will flunk it again...haiz..most of my spare time is used on this subject alone...
4)MP2007-Mathematics 4: Same as above.....haiz...
Last but not least, my Final Year Project has stagnated..in the sense that I have not been able to read the research papers I have found. It doesn't help my supervisor is giving me any guidance...the only thing he said was to look for him if there's any problem..that's it..no presentation or pressure of any form to check on my progress..haiz....
'Nuff of all these ramblings...on a lighter note, I was subjected to a search just as I was going home after school at the MRT station. My friends were surprised as I looked harmless enough to be a terrorist. But what the heck, because of the heightened threat, I just complied. Being in the service has taught me the value of the freedom..something that we all take for granted..I guess we are too complacent and just waiting for things to happen.Not that I am sucking up to my boss, but after being through some actual operations, I have come to realise how serious things can be..but life still goes on...
Anyway, my good friend has been nudging me towards going after this gal in my school..she is not bad, a pretty nice person with whom I have worked with for 1 full semester during our lab sessions..BUT the problem is; WHERE DO I FIND THE TIME to go after her??? I don't even have time to study..let alone go clubbing or drinking..how sia???
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Thursday, August 25, 2005
Been so busy with my studies till bloggy has been neglected. As usual, the work load is starting to pile up and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by it. My only avenue of relief has been that of exercising; running, gym and high-intensity sports like badminton..
Things are so bad that some of my kakis looked so burnt out..even thambi is also back to his smoking and drinking routine. So far, I have been disciplining myself to only 1 drinking session per week...sometimes I don't even drink at all..
I am trying to find a meaning through all these madness...something worthwhile..but I just can't seem to fathom it at all..A meaningful quote which I recently picked up while watching a movie is; "jin tian xi che suo, ming tian chi pin guo"..seems to have struck a chord in me..
Literally it means, suffer now and you reap the rewards later..but will I bee able to live through this hell?? This aside, my uni friends have been trying to hook me up with girls..just this afternoon, one of them was telling me to go pursue this gal from my former lab group.."she's a nice gal..suits you just fine..if you want to pursue her, just say so, I let the scuttlebutt run and the rest is up to you.."
But the strange thing is, even though I am kinda of interested in her, but somewhere, somehow, it seems like my mind is too pre-occupied by my school-work to think about BGR..
I have no idea..anyway if it comes it comes..I have too much stuff to worry about..even though I yearn for companionship sometimes...haha..
Time to sleep...yawnz**
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Monday, August 22, 2005
I feel kinda burnt-out..suffered a panic attack during maths quiz..questions I could answer after the quiz I couldn't do it during the process..
I feel so stressed..so burnt out...and it is only mid of the semester...will I be able to survive and pass all my modules this semester?
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Thursday, August 18, 2005
My alter ego has been bearing down on me recently.."Skip your lectures lah..the lecturer sucks..why waste your time?" How about; "You are tired, your eyes are feeling heavy, close them for a while.." or "What a waste of time, might as well sleep.."
The fight, which sometimes seems futile..the mind seems immuned to the huge amounts of coffee pumped daily. There are days where I practically drag my zombie-like body to school and drag it back...sleeping throughout the train journey home.
Everyone around me seems to be feeling the effects of burnt-out..I have been staying in school till late evenings to catch up on my tutorials, revisions and my FYP. Saturdays are also the same..the vicious cycle repeats itself..except that I stay till early evenings.
I am so tired...I hope I can clear all my modules this semester.
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Monday, August 15, 2005
Why do I feel so slack when I am so busy??
Alas, a sense of normalcy has fallen onto my life. The endless catch-up with the tutorial race, the frantic search for seats in the library to do my revision (this is the 3rd week and the library is packed..can't believe it sia!!)
I am starting to lag behind 2 tutorials for maths 3, 1 tutorial for maths 4 and 2 tutorials for my thermodynamics...all powerhouse subjects..at this rate I will sure go down the longkang of doom sia..so to those who are interested in getting me out, please kindly do so on weekends when I will be more free..hee..
I have to give up 2 scheduled sports and games time slots in order to cater more time for my studies..sianz..that leaves me with only saturday to do my running..wah piangz..how am I going to keep in shape this way??..haiz..
The worse thing is, with the amount of work starting to pile up again, I wonder whether I will have enough time to do my FYP..and I have yet to come up with a concrete time schedule to pace myself..
Arrrrrggghhhhh........why so many things to do and so little time???..Arrrrrrrrrrgghhhh!!!
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Friday, August 12, 2005
Learning how to live by looking at Death..
It has been a hectic week for me and my family..due to a sudden death in the family...that's righ...gramps passed away on the National Day after fighting the greatest battle of her life.
Well, to say that I am happy seems kinda inapprioprate, but I think it will be better this way for she has suffered so much. At least she went off gracefully and not in pain. While the rest of the country was celebrating the nation's birthday, we were grievng the loss of a loved one.
This incident has given me an opportunity to witness how the arrangements of a funeral are conducted..not that I want to do so anyway. To elaborate, as father had the expertise in this area (heck, he runs an old aged home..), he did all the arrangements and within half a day, the funeral setup was completed and relatives were coming in to help.
Everyone did their part to ensure the process was smooth-flowing and advising on the customs. I learnt alot of stuff that I didn't know which perhaps might be useful in the far distant future. Even though I did not want to, mom told me to inform my friends and they came down on the second night and yesterday.
It was kinda awkard,especially after so much things had happened during the past 2 months, especially since everybody knew what happened. But I was touched by their gestures and proud to have them as my friends.
Tonight will be the night where all the family members stay over the night to accompany gramps as the cortege is setting off tomorrow for creamtion. And to keep myself awake over the long night, I will be bringing my snow-balled school work there to clear.
Well, seems like through this episode, I have started to look at things at a more lighter manner...not at an expense of neglecting my school work though. I mean, life is too short to worry about too much things..we can't afford the luxury of having too many negative thoughts..instead, we should thank the big guys up there for what we have and learn to enjoy it.
This, as I have witness the passing of my gramps and that of my former dive instructor. He passed away from a heart-attack at a young age of 34..and to think I went diving with him just a month ago!! I was planning to go Manado to dive with him at the end of the year and now this has to happen to him.
Guess life's really too short to worry about too much.So people, live your life to the fullest and do not regret it.
May God bless both of them and that their souls look after us wherever we may be.
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Sunday, August 07, 2005
Pride & Ego = Friends lost
Seems like one more soul has been hurt by the raging storm. Sometime the truth does hurt, but I guess if you want to know it, then you must be able to accept it. Easier said then done as it these takes time.
Having been accorded a ring side view of the happenings, I have come to realise how much hurt a person is capable of generating. In the process, you have lost many friends with your stubborness and logic. You think that you have seen it all and that you are the "big brother"..hence what you say is always right.
You are supressing all your problems through heavy drinking, smoking and mahjong..living life to the fullest as you say..and not sparing a thought for your future...you think that you are destined to lead a life of shit..which is all bull..your life is what you made of and you can make it better if you want to.
Because of your stupid pride and ego, you have lost all your friends. If you are still wondering why you lost all your friends, think hard...for the answer is very obvious. It is neither because of a gal nor of a stolen helmet, but of your refusal to admit you are in the wrong that is making the way things are today.
Pride and ego? Are they really important? One must be able to take some humiliation in one way or the other. An ability to take humiliation makes people respect you and is the makings of a great person. I must admit I have my own pride and ego..and it has always been crushed or humiliated..but I end up a stronger and better person don't I?
Admitting that you are in the wrong and taking the responsibility for it is the makings of a matured adult...by making excuses to cover your mistakes..well, what does that speak of you? I didn't know it at first, but after taking a step to analyse the situation, I have finally realised that the way you are handling all these issues bode of a immatured person.
Still think you are right? Think again.
On the hind-sight, is my hatred consuming me?
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Thursday, August 04, 2005
Damn, I have fallen sick..what a way to spend the week!! Ah shucks, still had to bring the burning body and throat to school..luckily I am driving today..else I would had crashed and burnt on the way there.
Sounds strange? Nope, that's because I have decided to drive and take the train on alternate days. Based on the projected calculations, I will be able to save at least 100 bucks this way. With the start of the ERP on the north-bound CTE, I guessed it would be more economical to do it this way.
Anyway, taking to the train to school can be pretty relaxing, because I do not have to think of those screwed-up drivers who change lanes abruptly without signalling, hogging the extreme right lane while travelling at 80 km/hr..etc..Instead I utilise the time fully to do some revision while listening to my iPod mini...just like my days back in the polytechnic.
This has been a hectic week..rushing to do my tutorials (which I didn't do anyway..), doing my FYP research, which I am alarmed to say has become more challenging ( I will elaborate more later..), getting free food and goodie bags from the department due to our Department week, photo-copying additional material from the prescribed textbooks.
As for my FYP, my tutor has given me a detailed project brief and it seems like I am supposed to do an indepth study on the collaborative design process in the ship-building industry...suffice to say, from the day the ship is designed to the day the ship is launched..a pretty daunting task. But he has promised that, if the report is well written, he might publish it as a paper in one of the journals...that is to say, I will be guranteed an A for that..now that is a pretty motivating factor..haha
Argh..crapz, the throat infection is sapping my strength again..can't even do my tutorials or revisions without feeling drowsy from the effects of the illness..I am going to visit the doc tomorrow...haiz..money down the drain again..
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